You know in the films when the main character has a blog and it's really popular, loads of people keep an eye on it an listen to their story? How amazing would that be?
I know everyone who has a blog, who writes religiously and keeps their blog up to date would love that. But it would be nice, wouldn't it?
Today is my little big brother's birthday. (I have two big brother's, it's the younger of the two's birthday today.) He's 22 years old. He had some friends round to play rock band, for whom I had to sing to get them more points. Then we went to our local pub to have a few drinks with my other brother, some of my brother's friends and some of our cousins. It was a fairly good night, had some good conversations mainly about music, and I laughed quite a lot.
Well that was when I started writing this blog, about 5 minutes ago. Now it's not my brother's birthday anymore. Now it's New Year's Eve. Wow.
This year has gone so quickly. So much has changed. And yet I can't remember this time last year, it seems such a long time ago. Weird that is, how time can seem to go fast, and seem to go slow even though it's actually going the same pace.
Tomorrow night, New Years Eve, to bring in the New Year of 2010 in we're going to my aunt's and uncle's house and having a bit of a party. It should be good, it's always fairly interesting. But each year it becomes more out of place, each year something else doesn't fit, something is missing.
Maybe this year it won't be missing.
I just know it will though...
But I can still hope, right? And tomorrow I'll find out.
Each year I hope something will change, something will get better. This year a lot has changed. More has changed than ever before. But will New Year's Eve? I doubt it.
Maybe next year.
In the words of McFly: "Memory lane, we're here again, back to the days, and I'll remember you always. So much has changed."
Have a happy new year, if I don't speak to you before.
x
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
Monday, 28 December 2009
8th Post.
This is my 8th blog this month to be posted. That means I've been thinking a lot. That means you can tell it's not been a great month for me.
Today I've been waiting. Waiting for people to reply to me, or to get in touch with me.
Two different people have text me today, two very good friends of mine. Both asking me questions. And now, after replying to them I'm waiting for their replies back to me. Now, I wouldn't mind, but it's kind of important I know what they mean and what their answers are because it effects me and my plans for the next few days. Why would you text someone and then just not reply to them when you're the one that started the conversation? I don't understand. Because I would never do that unless I had a perfectly good reason.
Maybe they've got good reasons. Maybe the battery in their phones have gone, or they just dropped it and it's broken. Or someone's called them - for more than 5 hours - and they can't text as they're on the phone. Or maybe they are someonwhere that they can't use their phone, or they're so busy that the can't find 1 single minute to text me back.
Or maybe they just couldn't be bothered, they just didn't want to.
I don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to. I don't know whether even to talk to them at all. If they were worth it, surely they'd talk to me. But maybe I'm the lucky one in all this, lucky they even talk to me at all. Maybe I'm the one that should be making all the effort because they're cooler, more popular, funnier, more intelligent, more talented, better.
And the worse thing is I couldn't say that to a soul because they'd contradict me and say I was wrong. Whoever they were, they'd all say the same. Whether it's true or not.
Some people change so much. Some people don't change at all. Right now, I can't figure out which one is worse. Not changing and learning from your mistakes, or changing so much that you become a completely different person, someone some of your friends don't recognise.
I give up. Let's just wait and see, eh?
My life is just too confusing.
Bring on 2010.
x
Today I've been waiting. Waiting for people to reply to me, or to get in touch with me.
Two different people have text me today, two very good friends of mine. Both asking me questions. And now, after replying to them I'm waiting for their replies back to me. Now, I wouldn't mind, but it's kind of important I know what they mean and what their answers are because it effects me and my plans for the next few days. Why would you text someone and then just not reply to them when you're the one that started the conversation? I don't understand. Because I would never do that unless I had a perfectly good reason.
Maybe they've got good reasons. Maybe the battery in their phones have gone, or they just dropped it and it's broken. Or someone's called them - for more than 5 hours - and they can't text as they're on the phone. Or maybe they are someonwhere that they can't use their phone, or they're so busy that the can't find 1 single minute to text me back.
Or maybe they just couldn't be bothered, they just didn't want to.
I don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to. I don't know whether even to talk to them at all. If they were worth it, surely they'd talk to me. But maybe I'm the lucky one in all this, lucky they even talk to me at all. Maybe I'm the one that should be making all the effort because they're cooler, more popular, funnier, more intelligent, more talented, better.
And the worse thing is I couldn't say that to a soul because they'd contradict me and say I was wrong. Whoever they were, they'd all say the same. Whether it's true or not.
Some people change so much. Some people don't change at all. Right now, I can't figure out which one is worse. Not changing and learning from your mistakes, or changing so much that you become a completely different person, someone some of your friends don't recognise.
I give up. Let's just wait and see, eh?
My life is just too confusing.
Bring on 2010.
x
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Horoscopes and Advice.
Your Single's Daily Horoscope for Pisces for Monday 28th December :
You thought that you and this person were on the same channel, but now you're hearing nothing but static. Relax -- this state is just temporary. Trying to force things won't help. Just be patient and wait it out.
I read this at 3 minutes to 12 on the 27th December. I get emails everyday telling me my horoscope for the next day. A lot of the time they're scarily appropriate. Today is one of those days. Because at 3 minutes to 12, as I read this email, I happened to be writing a text message that was asking many questions to the boy who hasn't been talking to me. It started off like this. "Have I done something so bad that you can't talk to me now?" That was as far as I'd got.
I just deleted the message. You know when you ask someone's advice, and they tell you the truth, what you should do, but it's exactly what you already knew you just didn't want to believe it? One of my best friends, a lad I've mentioned many a time before, said "no, don't text him, wait and let him come to you" and when I replied saying that we'd never talk again because he woun't talk to me, he replied with "he will, I promise." I trust this boy's advice quite a lot, and I already knew that I shouldn't get in touch with him but I needed someone else to say it. Has that ever happened to you? It happens to me all the time. I know the answer, I just don't want to believe it.
"Be patient and wait it out." Easier said than done, as always. Why is it that you always want to just talk and speak to or text or call or email or anything that person, even when you know you shouldn't? But, as I've been told by an impersonal email, one of my best friends and by myself, I know what I have to do.
Why are things always so difficult? Why can't, for one, a relationship I have with someone be simple, innocent and straight forward? Why can't we both want the same thing, both like each other the same amount and both understand each other the way that we mean what we say and how we react? Nothing is ever simple. That is definitely one thing that I've learned.
I get these horoscopes every day and I love that on the occasion that I do read them, they seem to be appropriate to my life and my romantic situation. That's probably just coincidence, but the advice they give me seems a good idea so I tend to follow it as it's what I already know. Don't you love it when horoscopes are true? Good or bad, coincidence or not, it's comforting to know that when they say something bad has happened, or is happening - they knew about the bad so the comforting positive comment about how it will get better, be easier soon, that much be true aswell, mustn't it?
I've been writing this blog for about an hour and a half. I don't know what else to say. Other than there is just one thing left to do.
Wait.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow everything will be alright.
Does tomorrow ever come? It will one day. It will come one day. He promised.
x
You thought that you and this person were on the same channel, but now you're hearing nothing but static. Relax -- this state is just temporary. Trying to force things won't help. Just be patient and wait it out.
I read this at 3 minutes to 12 on the 27th December. I get emails everyday telling me my horoscope for the next day. A lot of the time they're scarily appropriate. Today is one of those days. Because at 3 minutes to 12, as I read this email, I happened to be writing a text message that was asking many questions to the boy who hasn't been talking to me. It started off like this. "Have I done something so bad that you can't talk to me now?" That was as far as I'd got.
I just deleted the message. You know when you ask someone's advice, and they tell you the truth, what you should do, but it's exactly what you already knew you just didn't want to believe it? One of my best friends, a lad I've mentioned many a time before, said "no, don't text him, wait and let him come to you" and when I replied saying that we'd never talk again because he woun't talk to me, he replied with "he will, I promise." I trust this boy's advice quite a lot, and I already knew that I shouldn't get in touch with him but I needed someone else to say it. Has that ever happened to you? It happens to me all the time. I know the answer, I just don't want to believe it.
"Be patient and wait it out." Easier said than done, as always. Why is it that you always want to just talk and speak to or text or call or email or anything that person, even when you know you shouldn't? But, as I've been told by an impersonal email, one of my best friends and by myself, I know what I have to do.
Why are things always so difficult? Why can't, for one, a relationship I have with someone be simple, innocent and straight forward? Why can't we both want the same thing, both like each other the same amount and both understand each other the way that we mean what we say and how we react? Nothing is ever simple. That is definitely one thing that I've learned.
I get these horoscopes every day and I love that on the occasion that I do read them, they seem to be appropriate to my life and my romantic situation. That's probably just coincidence, but the advice they give me seems a good idea so I tend to follow it as it's what I already know. Don't you love it when horoscopes are true? Good or bad, coincidence or not, it's comforting to know that when they say something bad has happened, or is happening - they knew about the bad so the comforting positive comment about how it will get better, be easier soon, that much be true aswell, mustn't it?
I've been writing this blog for about an hour and a half. I don't know what else to say. Other than there is just one thing left to do.
Wait.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow everything will be alright.
Does tomorrow ever come? It will one day. It will come one day. He promised.
x
Friday, 25 December 2009
Merry Christmas.
I'm still in awe 2 hours later.
As if my parents bought me a £200 leather jacket that I'd jokingly mentioned that I liked.
I thought my mom and I were going to go shopping in the sale to get one. But no, my wonderful parents bought it for me for Christmas. It was the biggest and best surprise I've ever had. And I can't explain how much I love my parents.
Apart from a leather jacket, they've bought me a lovely, amazing, little compact camera to go with my SLR for when I can't take my big one along on my travels. I'm amazed. And a huge, huge photo frame that had different sized frames within in it that can fit about 40 photos in it. It's wonderful. I can't believe it.
And they were just my main presents of my parents. You can imagine how thankful I am of my family and friends for all the gifts I've received. I'm easily pleased anyway so this is just crazy.
But anyway. On to the important stuff.
Happy Birthday Jesus! I know people say it's not his birthday today, but I'm going to always pretend it is because that's what we were originally told, and although I'm not the most religious of people, we owe this amazing holiday to somebody and I'm going to thank him.
This morning at breakfast, I was to say Grace. I said it traditionally, as we always say Grace at meals on Christmas day - even if it is is the only day in the year that we do say it. But it made me think that it's in the present tense. What about being thankful for what we have already received? I didn't say Grace before I opened my Christmas presents. I know I should be thanking the people who bought them for me. But if God is the creator then surely it is him that influenced everything and that's the reason we recieve what we do. I don't know, seems pretty deep to me. This is all believing that God exists. That's a big question in itself. But I'm not going to go into that now.
Because we should all be thankful, God or no God, spirit or no spirit, whatever might or might not be out there, for what we have, what we receive.
Another thing that happened today, I'm not sure whether I should have or not, was text the boy who hasn't got back to me since we fell out the other day. I haven't had a reply today. But Christmas is about showing and sharing love, affection and happiness, isn't it? Whether I get a reply or not, I know I've tried, I know I've been the bigger person, and I know that I've followed what I know, what I've been taught, I've followed Christmas spirit.
I can't help hoping he'll reply, even though I know he won't.
But I shouldn't dwell on that, not today, because it's Christmas Day. On Christmas Day we don't dwell on the bad things, we think of the good, happy things. The wonderful people we know. And we are thankful for what we have already.
"For what we receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Merry Christmas. I hope get everything you wish for. Have a wonderful day.
x
As if my parents bought me a £200 leather jacket that I'd jokingly mentioned that I liked.
I thought my mom and I were going to go shopping in the sale to get one. But no, my wonderful parents bought it for me for Christmas. It was the biggest and best surprise I've ever had. And I can't explain how much I love my parents.
Apart from a leather jacket, they've bought me a lovely, amazing, little compact camera to go with my SLR for when I can't take my big one along on my travels. I'm amazed. And a huge, huge photo frame that had different sized frames within in it that can fit about 40 photos in it. It's wonderful. I can't believe it.
And they were just my main presents of my parents. You can imagine how thankful I am of my family and friends for all the gifts I've received. I'm easily pleased anyway so this is just crazy.
But anyway. On to the important stuff.
Happy Birthday Jesus! I know people say it's not his birthday today, but I'm going to always pretend it is because that's what we were originally told, and although I'm not the most religious of people, we owe this amazing holiday to somebody and I'm going to thank him.
This morning at breakfast, I was to say Grace. I said it traditionally, as we always say Grace at meals on Christmas day - even if it is is the only day in the year that we do say it. But it made me think that it's in the present tense. What about being thankful for what we have already received? I didn't say Grace before I opened my Christmas presents. I know I should be thanking the people who bought them for me. But if God is the creator then surely it is him that influenced everything and that's the reason we recieve what we do. I don't know, seems pretty deep to me. This is all believing that God exists. That's a big question in itself. But I'm not going to go into that now.
Because we should all be thankful, God or no God, spirit or no spirit, whatever might or might not be out there, for what we have, what we receive.
Another thing that happened today, I'm not sure whether I should have or not, was text the boy who hasn't got back to me since we fell out the other day. I haven't had a reply today. But Christmas is about showing and sharing love, affection and happiness, isn't it? Whether I get a reply or not, I know I've tried, I know I've been the bigger person, and I know that I've followed what I know, what I've been taught, I've followed Christmas spirit.
I can't help hoping he'll reply, even though I know he won't.
But I shouldn't dwell on that, not today, because it's Christmas Day. On Christmas Day we don't dwell on the bad things, we think of the good, happy things. The wonderful people we know. And we are thankful for what we have already.
"For what we receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Merry Christmas. I hope get everything you wish for. Have a wonderful day.
x
Saturday, 19 December 2009
Surprise.
Suprise surprise.
It's not different. Or should I say he's not different?
I give up. I don't know what to do. why are the male sex just so complicated?!
He's ill, right, but he didn't have the decency to tell me so that I knew we weren't going ahead with the plans we'd made. And he blames me for waking him up because he's ill when I asked how he was feeling so I knew if we were going out or not! Ahh! What's with that?
I thought he was different. In fact, he is. He's so different to any other guy. He's so different to any other, so unique, and yet he ended up treating me the same, maybe worse, than the rest. I want to turn into a girl that doesn't put her heart into anything until she knows that the other person's in completely in it and that she can trust them. But that takes so long as they've got to become a part of your life just to get to that stage.
I'm trying so hard. So hard to do as one said, to become kind of emotionless towards it and people that might not stick around, for my own benefit so that I don't get hurt. I'm trying. But everytime I get close, something else comes and kicks everything I'd fought for out of my grasp, I get hurt and then have to start all over again.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know whether to say anything at all. I don't know how to feel. I don't know how you feel.
And worse of all, I don't know who to ask. The one person who I know would have the answer isn't available. I don't feel like I can talk to them because they've got someone now, they're not in my position and I'm not confident enough to just text and ask in case they don't want to talk to me. Or their partner doesn't want them to talk to me.
Is that about me? It can't be. It can't. So who is it about? Why would you lie to me? I'd hate for you to know how I feel about you, how uncertain I am and that I am thinking or wondering about you.
Why do girls waste their precious time on such idiots?
I've always vowed never to be one of them. So here I am. And here you are. And now it's time to say goodbye...
It's not different. Or should I say he's not different?
I give up. I don't know what to do. why are the male sex just so complicated?!
He's ill, right, but he didn't have the decency to tell me so that I knew we weren't going ahead with the plans we'd made. And he blames me for waking him up because he's ill when I asked how he was feeling so I knew if we were going out or not! Ahh! What's with that?
I thought he was different. In fact, he is. He's so different to any other guy. He's so different to any other, so unique, and yet he ended up treating me the same, maybe worse, than the rest. I want to turn into a girl that doesn't put her heart into anything until she knows that the other person's in completely in it and that she can trust them. But that takes so long as they've got to become a part of your life just to get to that stage.
I'm trying so hard. So hard to do as one said, to become kind of emotionless towards it and people that might not stick around, for my own benefit so that I don't get hurt. I'm trying. But everytime I get close, something else comes and kicks everything I'd fought for out of my grasp, I get hurt and then have to start all over again.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know whether to say anything at all. I don't know how to feel. I don't know how you feel.
And worse of all, I don't know who to ask. The one person who I know would have the answer isn't available. I don't feel like I can talk to them because they've got someone now, they're not in my position and I'm not confident enough to just text and ask in case they don't want to talk to me. Or their partner doesn't want them to talk to me.
Is that about me? It can't be. It can't. So who is it about? Why would you lie to me? I'd hate for you to know how I feel about you, how uncertain I am and that I am thinking or wondering about you.
Why do girls waste their precious time on such idiots?
I've always vowed never to be one of them. So here I am. And here you are. And now it's time to say goodbye...
Thursday, 17 December 2009
You're Making My Head Spin...
My last post was more of a story so I'm going to try and get back on track to my confusing, thought provoking ways.
There's one topic I touched on in my last post, a tpoic that I haven't talked about properly in a while that I feel the need to get off my chest again.
The boy.
This time, it's a different boy (again). Well actually, it's another boy on top. But I'll stick with being vague and not explain anymore than that.
Why is it that a boy can be talking and texting you none stop, seeming really interested in you and really wants to go out with you sometime, and then one day he'll just suddenly change his mind and decide, actually, no, I don't want to talk, text or see you anymore?
All girls do is try to impress the boy they like so that he likes her back, and if, by some lucky one off chance he does like her back, all she does is try to keep him happy, say things she thinks he'll like, never tell him what she really thinks or feels, just to keep him happy. But it always backfires in the end.
I know they say you should be yourself when you're meeting new people so that they know the real you and not some fake person that you're pretending to be, but what if you can't be yourself until you've got to know the person and learnt that it's okay to be yourself because they're not going to treat you badly?
Right now, my head is spinning. I'm supposedly going on a date tomorrow, he was hot at the beginning of this week and now he's gone cold. Perfect. Just in time. We might not be going now. Which is really kind of annoying, because I really prepared myself for it and I do want to go. I was just praying that it was going to go well and I'd be good enough. But guess not.
Now I'm waiting for one single text. A text to tell me how he's feeling and whether we're going to go or not.
If I don't get the text, I hope I'll be strong enough to stop myself from ever speaking to him again.
He probably wouldn't notice.
And then someone else, a friend who granted I've talked about before and had feelings for before but now it's platonic (although we are really, really good friends and he's got much hotter lately - not that that's important!) threw another spanner in the works. He was talking to me about taking lots of girls out and then he decided to say he and I should go out sometime. I didn't know what he meant. Does that mean he wants to go on a date? Or is it just as friends so he can see how well he gets on with the other girls compared to me because we get on quite well?
Do guys go out of their way to confuse us? Do they do it on purpose? Or are they completely oblivious to the fact that they're making our heads spin, with millions of questions running back and forth, trying to figure out what it means?
It's a long time since I've talked about being "happy in love".
I'm so happy that the majority of my best friends are happy in love - and that I like every single one of the guys (that's a big thing for me).
If I get a text tomorrow, everything goes to plan and well then I'll be happier in love.
Let's see what happens.
Please let this one be different.
x
There's one topic I touched on in my last post, a tpoic that I haven't talked about properly in a while that I feel the need to get off my chest again.
The boy.
This time, it's a different boy (again). Well actually, it's another boy on top. But I'll stick with being vague and not explain anymore than that.
Why is it that a boy can be talking and texting you none stop, seeming really interested in you and really wants to go out with you sometime, and then one day he'll just suddenly change his mind and decide, actually, no, I don't want to talk, text or see you anymore?
All girls do is try to impress the boy they like so that he likes her back, and if, by some lucky one off chance he does like her back, all she does is try to keep him happy, say things she thinks he'll like, never tell him what she really thinks or feels, just to keep him happy. But it always backfires in the end.
I know they say you should be yourself when you're meeting new people so that they know the real you and not some fake person that you're pretending to be, but what if you can't be yourself until you've got to know the person and learnt that it's okay to be yourself because they're not going to treat you badly?
Right now, my head is spinning. I'm supposedly going on a date tomorrow, he was hot at the beginning of this week and now he's gone cold. Perfect. Just in time. We might not be going now. Which is really kind of annoying, because I really prepared myself for it and I do want to go. I was just praying that it was going to go well and I'd be good enough. But guess not.
Now I'm waiting for one single text. A text to tell me how he's feeling and whether we're going to go or not.
If I don't get the text, I hope I'll be strong enough to stop myself from ever speaking to him again.
He probably wouldn't notice.
And then someone else, a friend who granted I've talked about before and had feelings for before but now it's platonic (although we are really, really good friends and he's got much hotter lately - not that that's important!) threw another spanner in the works. He was talking to me about taking lots of girls out and then he decided to say he and I should go out sometime. I didn't know what he meant. Does that mean he wants to go on a date? Or is it just as friends so he can see how well he gets on with the other girls compared to me because we get on quite well?
Do guys go out of their way to confuse us? Do they do it on purpose? Or are they completely oblivious to the fact that they're making our heads spin, with millions of questions running back and forth, trying to figure out what it means?
It's a long time since I've talked about being "happy in love".
I'm so happy that the majority of my best friends are happy in love - and that I like every single one of the guys (that's a big thing for me).
If I get a text tomorrow, everything goes to plan and well then I'll be happier in love.
Let's see what happens.
Please let this one be different.
x
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Concert Night.
Every year at school, we do a concert consisting of musical acts every Christmas and Summer. This Christmas concert also had some acting and dancing in it to, it was potentiall a good concert.
We've had so much hassle getting things how we wanted though, we did a duet and an emsemble but we had to fight to getthe numbers we wanted to do in because the teacher organising it seemed like she really didn't like us. But we got them both in, eventually, and we were really looking forward to the perfomances because they sounded really nice.
We rehersed all day, and then night finally came. My parents didn't come home until late, and neither understood how they had made me feel from the things that they did or said. Not that I would have told them. Well, my mood wasn't as appropriate as it could have been for the concert when we got there.
The first number went alright. We sounded okay, although my best friend's mic wasn't on till the last chorus, we went out of synch for a second from a wrong chord from the piano. It was fine though, we both covered it and got back on track and it turned out okay.
The secong song, on the other hand... They messed or the order so one of us was dancing and then singing straight after, but we managed to get her changed and on in time, although she was finding it difficult to breathe and had to sing first, making her solo within the songer weaker than it normally would. We were sitting on the stage, behind the speakers andquite far away from the piano - I couldn't hear a lot, apart from the other girls around me singing. It was the worst perfomance of the song - or in general - that we've ever done. I can't believe how badly my singing was, I can't say I've ever really gone out of tune before, but for this song I went out of tune big time. It was terrible, and I feel so bad for letting the team down.
After many other catastrophes of the night, it finally ended and I got to see some of my best friends who can come to watch, one of which surprised us and I was over the moon to see. A big hug of both of them made me feel much better, but then I'd get home, realise how much I missed the best friend who had surprised us because I don't get to see her that much anyway, and get upset about it.
To top off my parents, the performance and missing one of my best friends, the boy hadn't text me back. In fact... I'm still waiting for a reply now.
I started writing this last night (the night of the concert - the 15th, the day the blog is dated) but I went to bed and finished it today (the 16th, the day after), so I've calmed down a bit and my mood has slightly improved. But only slightly.
All in all, it wasn't a great night. It was our last ever concert for the school as we'll all be leaving before the next one, and it was a complete failure.
But as we say the Oasis classic, I remember thinking that it was completely true. Follow their advice. We've had plenty of amazing concerts when all of my best friends had been performing with us and we got to see each other ever day, when it had good really well and when everyone had been supportive - and on time.
Think of the good times.
Don't look back in anger, I heard you say.
At least not today.
x
We've had so much hassle getting things how we wanted though, we did a duet and an emsemble but we had to fight to getthe numbers we wanted to do in because the teacher organising it seemed like she really didn't like us. But we got them both in, eventually, and we were really looking forward to the perfomances because they sounded really nice.
We rehersed all day, and then night finally came. My parents didn't come home until late, and neither understood how they had made me feel from the things that they did or said. Not that I would have told them. Well, my mood wasn't as appropriate as it could have been for the concert when we got there.
The first number went alright. We sounded okay, although my best friend's mic wasn't on till the last chorus, we went out of synch for a second from a wrong chord from the piano. It was fine though, we both covered it and got back on track and it turned out okay.
The secong song, on the other hand... They messed or the order so one of us was dancing and then singing straight after, but we managed to get her changed and on in time, although she was finding it difficult to breathe and had to sing first, making her solo within the songer weaker than it normally would. We were sitting on the stage, behind the speakers andquite far away from the piano - I couldn't hear a lot, apart from the other girls around me singing. It was the worst perfomance of the song - or in general - that we've ever done. I can't believe how badly my singing was, I can't say I've ever really gone out of tune before, but for this song I went out of tune big time. It was terrible, and I feel so bad for letting the team down.
After many other catastrophes of the night, it finally ended and I got to see some of my best friends who can come to watch, one of which surprised us and I was over the moon to see. A big hug of both of them made me feel much better, but then I'd get home, realise how much I missed the best friend who had surprised us because I don't get to see her that much anyway, and get upset about it.
To top off my parents, the performance and missing one of my best friends, the boy hadn't text me back. In fact... I'm still waiting for a reply now.
I started writing this last night (the night of the concert - the 15th, the day the blog is dated) but I went to bed and finished it today (the 16th, the day after), so I've calmed down a bit and my mood has slightly improved. But only slightly.
All in all, it wasn't a great night. It was our last ever concert for the school as we'll all be leaving before the next one, and it was a complete failure.
But as we say the Oasis classic, I remember thinking that it was completely true. Follow their advice. We've had plenty of amazing concerts when all of my best friends had been performing with us and we got to see each other ever day, when it had good really well and when everyone had been supportive - and on time.
Think of the good times.
Don't look back in anger, I heard you say.
At least not today.
x
Monday, 7 December 2009
Christmas.
It's that time of year so, naturally, I'm going to write a blog about it.
Christmas time, mistletoe and wine.
What's the whole idea with mistletoe? I'm 17 years old. Surely that tradition is aimed at people between 15 and 35. People like me. Single people who will get the chance to kiss the one they like (hopefully) or maybe just a stranger, someone they've just met. Maybe it's an old friend, a best friend. Or maybe a tradition for a person to give their partner a Christmas kiss. Maybe even a kiss between family members to show that they care.
Either way, we're never had mistletoe in my house. I don't know why. It's a tradition that has never been followed for us, maybe it's one that has never been needed because my parents don't need that excuse to show affection to each other as it's obvious how much they love each other and us.
Maybe this year will be different. Maybe somewhere I go, I'll see some mistletoe and kiss someone. Guaranteed it won't be the person that I want it to be.
It's a time for love, peace, unity, friends, family. A time to be happy, forget about your problems and have a good time.
For many people, Christmas - because of the connatations of happiness and love that it has - is a reminder of how unhappy or of how lonely they are. They have no-one to spend the extra time and holidays with, no-one to exchange gifts, or maybe just hugs, kises, maybe not even someone to share a simple smile with.
I love Christmas. I get that from my father. He starts getting excited about Christmas sooner than everyone else. He's a naturall happy, laid back person as it is, but at Christmas he's even happier. Singing songs, drinking socially, passing gifts, making everyone laugh and ensuring that everyone has a wonderful holiday.
Christmas starts for us properly once we've broken up from school and work, but we have traditions that start on the 24th and carry through on the 25th and 26th December. I love those 3 days. They're probably my favourite 3 days in the whole year.
Last year Christmas was slightly different for us, we didn't see as many people as we normally do and things were as fast paced and crazy but exciting as they usually are. Hopefully this year will make up for that.
Maybe it's true - maybe it is just because we're getting older. But I refuse to believe it. I still wake up really early on the 25th December, despite my age and wake everyone up, preparing them for the days ahead.
But this year I am determined to have a great holiday again, although I feel something missing. There is a hole inside of me that I haven't ever really felt before. I have an idea for what it might be but that story is for a different blog on a different day - if I ever feel brave enough to write it.
This hole I hope to be filled, maybe with the help of mistletoe, but maybe with help of the free time that we'll all have so I can see certain people more.
I hope to be able to post a blog on Christmas Day if I can - so I'll be able to wish you a proper Happy Christmas then. But for now :
Merry Christmas. May mistletoe bring you the kiss you that want.
x
Christmas time, mistletoe and wine.
What's the whole idea with mistletoe? I'm 17 years old. Surely that tradition is aimed at people between 15 and 35. People like me. Single people who will get the chance to kiss the one they like (hopefully) or maybe just a stranger, someone they've just met. Maybe it's an old friend, a best friend. Or maybe a tradition for a person to give their partner a Christmas kiss. Maybe even a kiss between family members to show that they care.
Either way, we're never had mistletoe in my house. I don't know why. It's a tradition that has never been followed for us, maybe it's one that has never been needed because my parents don't need that excuse to show affection to each other as it's obvious how much they love each other and us.
Maybe this year will be different. Maybe somewhere I go, I'll see some mistletoe and kiss someone. Guaranteed it won't be the person that I want it to be.
It's a time for love, peace, unity, friends, family. A time to be happy, forget about your problems and have a good time.
For many people, Christmas - because of the connatations of happiness and love that it has - is a reminder of how unhappy or of how lonely they are. They have no-one to spend the extra time and holidays with, no-one to exchange gifts, or maybe just hugs, kises, maybe not even someone to share a simple smile with.
I love Christmas. I get that from my father. He starts getting excited about Christmas sooner than everyone else. He's a naturall happy, laid back person as it is, but at Christmas he's even happier. Singing songs, drinking socially, passing gifts, making everyone laugh and ensuring that everyone has a wonderful holiday.
Christmas starts for us properly once we've broken up from school and work, but we have traditions that start on the 24th and carry through on the 25th and 26th December. I love those 3 days. They're probably my favourite 3 days in the whole year.
Last year Christmas was slightly different for us, we didn't see as many people as we normally do and things were as fast paced and crazy but exciting as they usually are. Hopefully this year will make up for that.
Maybe it's true - maybe it is just because we're getting older. But I refuse to believe it. I still wake up really early on the 25th December, despite my age and wake everyone up, preparing them for the days ahead.
But this year I am determined to have a great holiday again, although I feel something missing. There is a hole inside of me that I haven't ever really felt before. I have an idea for what it might be but that story is for a different blog on a different day - if I ever feel brave enough to write it.
This hole I hope to be filled, maybe with the help of mistletoe, but maybe with help of the free time that we'll all have so I can see certain people more.
I hope to be able to post a blog on Christmas Day if I can - so I'll be able to wish you a proper Happy Christmas then. But for now :
Merry Christmas. May mistletoe bring you the kiss you that want.
x
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
"Everything is worse at night".
"Everything is worse at night."
A phrase I use all of the time when someone is down and upset when it's dark.
Don't you agree though? Problems seem so much worse and more difficult to handle at night. Have you ever noticed that if you're upset or you feel as if you're going to cry - or you do cry - that it's generally night time?
I don't cry often at all, but if I do then it's usually in bed before I'm going to go to sleep when it's late, dark and I'm on my own so nobody knows that I've been crying.
It's called 'pathetic fallacy' : when the weather is a reflection of what mood you are in. For example, if it is raining then you're sad. When it is sunny then you're happy, when it's misty you're confused and when it's thundering and cloudy you're angry.
I don't know whether that's the case for you, but generally, people are in a better mood when it's sunny and a little more more sad when it's raining.
It's true for me though. At night, things are usually harder and I find I'm more upset about a problem I've had all day when it's night time and dark. On Saturday, I found out something potentially very upsetting for me, and it only dawned on me on Sunday night what it actually meant. Then I stayed up till 2am texting someone who, without knowing it, was the one person that could help me, the one person I wanted to talk to. And although I got upset on the Sunday night, I woke up Monday and things seemed slightly better - it was light and sunny outside and even though it was bitterly cold I felt better in myself. Maybe it was because of what the person I was talking to had said to me, and they certainly did help me a lot, I was able to deal with everything that had happened. But I stand by the idea that it was definitely to do with the fact that it had been night time too. I know I would probably have been upset about it in the day aswelll, but I might have acted and spoken differently to people had it have been daytime.
It took me nearly two whole days for the news to hit me, for it to sink it and make a difference in the way I felt, acted and my hopes for the future. Isn't it strange that it takes such a long time for us to be able to process and acknowledge the news and the effects it is going to have on us?
Walking in the rain, getting soaked through and not caring what you look like is such a good way to release hurt or upset. When I think of walking in the rain, it reminds me of my best friend because we both love doing it, especially when we're a bit down. Maybe you should try it sometime. I hope you don't have to do it because you're down, but if you ever are then try and see if it makes you feel better. It works for me even if it's such a tiny little bit better.
Next time you're down, look outside. See the wonders of the sky - the sun, the moon, the stars, the clouds, the colours - whatever time of day it is.
And if it is night time, remember... Things will be better in the morning.
Honestly.
x
A phrase I use all of the time when someone is down and upset when it's dark.
Don't you agree though? Problems seem so much worse and more difficult to handle at night. Have you ever noticed that if you're upset or you feel as if you're going to cry - or you do cry - that it's generally night time?
I don't cry often at all, but if I do then it's usually in bed before I'm going to go to sleep when it's late, dark and I'm on my own so nobody knows that I've been crying.
It's called 'pathetic fallacy' : when the weather is a reflection of what mood you are in. For example, if it is raining then you're sad. When it is sunny then you're happy, when it's misty you're confused and when it's thundering and cloudy you're angry.
I don't know whether that's the case for you, but generally, people are in a better mood when it's sunny and a little more more sad when it's raining.
It's true for me though. At night, things are usually harder and I find I'm more upset about a problem I've had all day when it's night time and dark. On Saturday, I found out something potentially very upsetting for me, and it only dawned on me on Sunday night what it actually meant. Then I stayed up till 2am texting someone who, without knowing it, was the one person that could help me, the one person I wanted to talk to. And although I got upset on the Sunday night, I woke up Monday and things seemed slightly better - it was light and sunny outside and even though it was bitterly cold I felt better in myself. Maybe it was because of what the person I was talking to had said to me, and they certainly did help me a lot, I was able to deal with everything that had happened. But I stand by the idea that it was definitely to do with the fact that it had been night time too. I know I would probably have been upset about it in the day aswelll, but I might have acted and spoken differently to people had it have been daytime.
It took me nearly two whole days for the news to hit me, for it to sink it and make a difference in the way I felt, acted and my hopes for the future. Isn't it strange that it takes such a long time for us to be able to process and acknowledge the news and the effects it is going to have on us?
Walking in the rain, getting soaked through and not caring what you look like is such a good way to release hurt or upset. When I think of walking in the rain, it reminds me of my best friend because we both love doing it, especially when we're a bit down. Maybe you should try it sometime. I hope you don't have to do it because you're down, but if you ever are then try and see if it makes you feel better. It works for me even if it's such a tiny little bit better.
Next time you're down, look outside. See the wonders of the sky - the sun, the moon, the stars, the clouds, the colours - whatever time of day it is.
And if it is night time, remember... Things will be better in the morning.
Honestly.
x
Monday, 30 November 2009
Letting People "In".
Is letting someone in a good thing? The unpredictability of the future makes it unsafe to letting someone in, let someone get to know you properly - the real you, and really love and trust them with everything.
It means having someone to talk to. Having someone to confide in, seek advice from, having someone to help you with your problems and worries. Having this person could mean knowing you have support, make you more confident and happy knowing that there is always someone there that you can go to, fall back and and trust.
Maybe it's good to hide emotions so you dont have to let people in when you dont want to. People would never know how you feel so they'd never ask if you're okay. Not letting anyone in at all means being in complete control of your emotions, decisions and life, no-one knows that they're influencing you apart from you, you don't have to take into consideration someone else's opinion and you're not risking your privacy.
But what if you want to let someone in and you just don't know how? If you've shielded yourself off for that long that you've forgotten what it means to let someone in, having someone know you as well as they could.
I was talking to someone and defending "not letting people in" and saying it was a good thing because it's not something I can do really easily and I think it would be great not feeling you have to tell anyone what you think or how you feel.
How many peole do you truly trust?
I only really trust one or two people. When I tell people stuff, I tell them what happened, but very occasionally how I feel about it. That's private and I don't see why people need to know. But sometimes it's good to talk about how you feel - it either emphasises the emotions or makes them fade, which sometimes could be want you need.
Right now, there is only one person that I have truly let it. I've let other people in in the past but we've drifted and changed - none of us are the same as we used to be.
How many people you trust do you trust and how do this compare to how many people you want to trust?
I think it's good to have one or two people that you can really trust and talk to. Telling one person everything isn't ideal for me because it means that person would know you as well as you know you - but if there are two people you really trust, you can share what you want to tell them and talk about between then two people then neither will know everything and you've still been able to talk about the things you wanted or needed to.
I completely respect you, and I care more for you that you will ever know, but I won't let you in. Because you won't let me in. If there's one thing you've taught me, it's that you have to be in control of your own life and emotion, you have to be able to control how you feel and who you feel it for.
I can live with the happiness of knowing that you're happy - because there is nothing else I can do, despite what you said. You helped me. As long as youre happy, that's all that matters.
x
It means having someone to talk to. Having someone to confide in, seek advice from, having someone to help you with your problems and worries. Having this person could mean knowing you have support, make you more confident and happy knowing that there is always someone there that you can go to, fall back and and trust.
Maybe it's good to hide emotions so you dont have to let people in when you dont want to. People would never know how you feel so they'd never ask if you're okay. Not letting anyone in at all means being in complete control of your emotions, decisions and life, no-one knows that they're influencing you apart from you, you don't have to take into consideration someone else's opinion and you're not risking your privacy.
But what if you want to let someone in and you just don't know how? If you've shielded yourself off for that long that you've forgotten what it means to let someone in, having someone know you as well as they could.
I was talking to someone and defending "not letting people in" and saying it was a good thing because it's not something I can do really easily and I think it would be great not feeling you have to tell anyone what you think or how you feel.
How many peole do you truly trust?
I only really trust one or two people. When I tell people stuff, I tell them what happened, but very occasionally how I feel about it. That's private and I don't see why people need to know. But sometimes it's good to talk about how you feel - it either emphasises the emotions or makes them fade, which sometimes could be want you need.
Right now, there is only one person that I have truly let it. I've let other people in in the past but we've drifted and changed - none of us are the same as we used to be.
How many people you trust do you trust and how do this compare to how many people you want to trust?
I think it's good to have one or two people that you can really trust and talk to. Telling one person everything isn't ideal for me because it means that person would know you as well as you know you - but if there are two people you really trust, you can share what you want to tell them and talk about between then two people then neither will know everything and you've still been able to talk about the things you wanted or needed to.
I completely respect you, and I care more for you that you will ever know, but I won't let you in. Because you won't let me in. If there's one thing you've taught me, it's that you have to be in control of your own life and emotion, you have to be able to control how you feel and who you feel it for.
I can live with the happiness of knowing that you're happy - because there is nothing else I can do, despite what you said. You helped me. As long as youre happy, that's all that matters.
x
Friday, 20 November 2009
Small World...
It seems ages since I last wrote. I suppose it has been quite a few weeks.
Something has changed for me. I'm just not sure what.
It's weird how small the world is. I've met someone knew and I found out we have a few mutual friends that are really random and I would never have thought. I've found a lot of this recently, knwoing someone who knows someone who knows the person I know. Or maybe just knowing someone who knows someone I know. That sounds so confusing but it's quite simple when you think about it. It is a really small world...
I wanted to make a point of that, but I don't know why. I think what comes around goes around because it is a small world and everyone always finds out the truth eventually.
Right now, I'm sitting listening to love songs and sag songs and beautiful songs (mainly by the Beatles) and thinking about life and what is to become of us. Oh, and a boy.
The majority of my friends and I have finally sent off our UCAS forms and my friends have been getting lots of offers. I'm not worried that I haven't had any yet, but give it a few weeks and I might start to wonder. But for now, I'm just going to be over the moon for my friends who are getting conditional offers and auditions all over the place to go to the universities of their choice. It's so strange to think that this time next year I should (hopefully) be sitting in my room in the halls of my university writing a blog about what has become of us, what situation I'm in with my friends (new and old), boys, family, university and life in general. I can't wait for the future, but it is a terrifying thought. What will become of us all?
Then, there is the boy. As always. This time I'm not sure what's going on. The whole forbidden fruit still applies, but not as strongly as it did because he's seeing someone and I knew it would never happen anyway. But this new friend I've made. He seems interested but then I wonder if it's only for one thing. He hasn't text me back today and for the first time, it's bothering me. It frustrates me that I don't know as much about him as I'd like. That's kind of hypocritical really, seeing as I'm quite held back at letting people get to know me. But I think that deserves a whole blog post of it's own in the future - letting people in.
I'm sure there is a reason that he hasn't text back, I'm sure he's a nice guy and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I did let him in, and I'm sure even though I know these things are true I'm still going to carry on the way I am.
The inevitable will happen. It's a small world.
x
Something has changed for me. I'm just not sure what.
It's weird how small the world is. I've met someone knew and I found out we have a few mutual friends that are really random and I would never have thought. I've found a lot of this recently, knwoing someone who knows someone who knows the person I know. Or maybe just knowing someone who knows someone I know. That sounds so confusing but it's quite simple when you think about it. It is a really small world...
I wanted to make a point of that, but I don't know why. I think what comes around goes around because it is a small world and everyone always finds out the truth eventually.
Right now, I'm sitting listening to love songs and sag songs and beautiful songs (mainly by the Beatles) and thinking about life and what is to become of us. Oh, and a boy.
The majority of my friends and I have finally sent off our UCAS forms and my friends have been getting lots of offers. I'm not worried that I haven't had any yet, but give it a few weeks and I might start to wonder. But for now, I'm just going to be over the moon for my friends who are getting conditional offers and auditions all over the place to go to the universities of their choice. It's so strange to think that this time next year I should (hopefully) be sitting in my room in the halls of my university writing a blog about what has become of us, what situation I'm in with my friends (new and old), boys, family, university and life in general. I can't wait for the future, but it is a terrifying thought. What will become of us all?
Then, there is the boy. As always. This time I'm not sure what's going on. The whole forbidden fruit still applies, but not as strongly as it did because he's seeing someone and I knew it would never happen anyway. But this new friend I've made. He seems interested but then I wonder if it's only for one thing. He hasn't text me back today and for the first time, it's bothering me. It frustrates me that I don't know as much about him as I'd like. That's kind of hypocritical really, seeing as I'm quite held back at letting people get to know me. But I think that deserves a whole blog post of it's own in the future - letting people in.
I'm sure there is a reason that he hasn't text back, I'm sure he's a nice guy and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I did let him in, and I'm sure even though I know these things are true I'm still going to carry on the way I am.
The inevitable will happen. It's a small world.
x
Monday, 26 October 2009
Blogging.
I've got to go out in half an hour, I'm playing golf for the first time in weeks, I'm not really looking forward to it but I know as soon as I get there, I'll be perfectly happy.
I got the urge to write a blog after I heard a song that's supposed to be funny, but I thought it was completely heartbreaking at the same time.
Have you ever heard of Tim Minchin? My friend told me about him a couple of days ago and now I absolutely love him and his music. He's a comedian, singer songwriter and his songs are hilarious. Apart from this one.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDGuPp1np4o
"I spend most of my time hating it but it never says a bad word about me." I can't tell you how much that made me think.
Anyway, this blog isn't a tribute to Tim Minchin. I wanted to talk about blogging and how often people do it. I try to write a blog at least twice a month. If I have an ideas and I don't have time to write the full thing, I save them for whenever I have time to write. It always works for me too.
But I know lots of people that say "I'm going to blog every day", do it for a few weeks and then forget about it and change their minds. Maybe they just don't have the time they thought they would have, or the ideas.
Either way, they don't stay loyal to what they've said. I can't really understand that, because if they're not doing it for themself, who are they doing it for? Surely staying true to yourself is the most important thing to stay true to.
I wouldn't tell everyone I was going to write every day. People don't know I like writing. I couldn't say I was going to do something everyday and then not keep to it. Well, maybe apart from one thing. But not writing. So I make no promises on how often my blogs will come out. Although, until university at least, I'll try and keep them fairly regular, like I have for this year.
I've got to go. But you'll be sure to hear from me soon because I just had about four ideas!
Keep blogging. Stay true!
x
I got the urge to write a blog after I heard a song that's supposed to be funny, but I thought it was completely heartbreaking at the same time.
Have you ever heard of Tim Minchin? My friend told me about him a couple of days ago and now I absolutely love him and his music. He's a comedian, singer songwriter and his songs are hilarious. Apart from this one.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDGuPp1np4o
"I spend most of my time hating it but it never says a bad word about me." I can't tell you how much that made me think.
Anyway, this blog isn't a tribute to Tim Minchin. I wanted to talk about blogging and how often people do it. I try to write a blog at least twice a month. If I have an ideas and I don't have time to write the full thing, I save them for whenever I have time to write. It always works for me too.
But I know lots of people that say "I'm going to blog every day", do it for a few weeks and then forget about it and change their minds. Maybe they just don't have the time they thought they would have, or the ideas.
Either way, they don't stay loyal to what they've said. I can't really understand that, because if they're not doing it for themself, who are they doing it for? Surely staying true to yourself is the most important thing to stay true to.
I wouldn't tell everyone I was going to write every day. People don't know I like writing. I couldn't say I was going to do something everyday and then not keep to it. Well, maybe apart from one thing. But not writing. So I make no promises on how often my blogs will come out. Although, until university at least, I'll try and keep them fairly regular, like I have for this year.
I've got to go. But you'll be sure to hear from me soon because I just had about four ideas!
Keep blogging. Stay true!
x
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Time.
It seems like ages and ages since I last wrote on here, but in fact, it hasn't been that long at all. A coouple of weeks, maybe three? I can't remember because of how long ago it seems. The past two weeks have been two bad weeks for me. I kept recieving bad news after bad news and had to sort out things, get organised, do work, get everything done that people have been nagging at me constantly to do and at the same time I haven't been too well.
Time. People say there's loads of time, that we shouldn't worry. But as soon as it comes to it and the deadlines are getting nearer, everyone starts going mental because you're not nearly done and it stresses you and them out, but there's nothing you can do because you're trying really hard t get whatever it is done but you can't seem to, and no-one seems to be able to help.
University choices are really stressing me out at the moment. I can't decide where I want to go. Only two places stand out for me and I need five. I feel like saying if I don't get accepted to the two I like then I'm going to just apply again next year. Everyone I know is sending off their UCAS application forms, or are nearly there. I haven't even finished my personal statement yet, my choices aren't done, the grade entry requirements seems way too high and all in all I really don't feel like anywhere would want to accept me anyway.
I've always wanted to leave, get away from this place and go to university, but now there's only a year to go and I'm doubting whether I even want to leave home now. All of my friends and family are going to be here, home, safe and sound and living the normal and easy life they know, when I'll be in the middle of a town or city that I've only visited once doing a course I'm not sure I want to do in a place where I know noone... And I'll probably feel further away from home than ever.
Times "flies when you're having fun". Everyone knows that saying. And everyone knows that times seems to slow down when you're not having fun.... When you're having a really bad or maybe just boring time. It goes so slowly. Why is that? I would really like to know. It's time. It doesn't actually change. It's something to do with the mind and how we feel pyschologically about it. I don't know. But it's annoying anyway.
Everything changes, sometimes so quickly that you don't even know what happened, you missed the moment that something went wrong, or right or just simply changed for you. I strongly believe with "going with the flow". I know sometimes that is impractical and maybe unwise, but changing things now for the future seems pointless to me because you never know what is going to happen. You should work how you want, when you want to. Live like for the here and now because who knows what's going to happen tomorrow? It's always a wise thing to keep an eye on the future so that you know there is somewhere to go once tomorrow comes, and if there is a goal you want to achieve then you should definitely work towards that goal.
Time. Who knows what do to with it? Take things as they come. Live for the here and now. What more can you do?
x
Time. People say there's loads of time, that we shouldn't worry. But as soon as it comes to it and the deadlines are getting nearer, everyone starts going mental because you're not nearly done and it stresses you and them out, but there's nothing you can do because you're trying really hard t get whatever it is done but you can't seem to, and no-one seems to be able to help.
University choices are really stressing me out at the moment. I can't decide where I want to go. Only two places stand out for me and I need five. I feel like saying if I don't get accepted to the two I like then I'm going to just apply again next year. Everyone I know is sending off their UCAS application forms, or are nearly there. I haven't even finished my personal statement yet, my choices aren't done, the grade entry requirements seems way too high and all in all I really don't feel like anywhere would want to accept me anyway.
I've always wanted to leave, get away from this place and go to university, but now there's only a year to go and I'm doubting whether I even want to leave home now. All of my friends and family are going to be here, home, safe and sound and living the normal and easy life they know, when I'll be in the middle of a town or city that I've only visited once doing a course I'm not sure I want to do in a place where I know noone... And I'll probably feel further away from home than ever.
Times "flies when you're having fun". Everyone knows that saying. And everyone knows that times seems to slow down when you're not having fun.... When you're having a really bad or maybe just boring time. It goes so slowly. Why is that? I would really like to know. It's time. It doesn't actually change. It's something to do with the mind and how we feel pyschologically about it. I don't know. But it's annoying anyway.
Everything changes, sometimes so quickly that you don't even know what happened, you missed the moment that something went wrong, or right or just simply changed for you. I strongly believe with "going with the flow". I know sometimes that is impractical and maybe unwise, but changing things now for the future seems pointless to me because you never know what is going to happen. You should work how you want, when you want to. Live like for the here and now because who knows what's going to happen tomorrow? It's always a wise thing to keep an eye on the future so that you know there is somewhere to go once tomorrow comes, and if there is a goal you want to achieve then you should definitely work towards that goal.
Time. Who knows what do to with it? Take things as they come. Live for the here and now. What more can you do?
x
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Discrimination.
This week I've been feeling like having a bit of rant and a moan. You see, when someone rubs me up the wrong way, or I strongly disagree with something someone has said or doen, I'm not afraid to tell them that I think they're wrong. Now I understand everyone's entitled to their own opinion - I think everyone should, it's important that every child growing up learns to have and voice their own opinion - but if their opinion will upset, hurt or discrimate someone that it should not be heard.
I've taken PE as an A level, and in one of our lessons recently we were discussing "state and trait" personalities. "State and Trait" is when you feel one way about something and in a normal situation you were act like you wanted to, for example if you were discussing racism or homosexuals or something that maybe be offensive to someone like that with a friend, you could voice your true opinion and your friend may disagree but nothign would come about it. The other side to this, however, is if you're put in a different situation, for example, say you had to write an article for a newspaper or do a speech at a school, you would act and write how you think you should, without voicing your true opinion incase in influenced others to feel or at this way. This is true for most people, and there is definately a time and a place for everything.
What the problem with everything? Why is it a problem is someone is white and someone else isn't? There is not need to any kind of racism. The thng that annoys me the most is if someone is sexist. I cannot sttand sexist men who think they're better that females. They're egotistical, annoying and they always thing they can do things 10 times better than woman when the majority of the time the can't. For this reason, when women and sexist about men, I usually defend men because it's hypocrital of me otherwise.
Any kind of inequality, homophobics, sexism, racism, any other kind of phobic or ism. There's just no need. If they're not the same race as you, that's not their fault, and they shouldn't be treated differently because of it. If they want to be gay, or a greebo or a chav or just different from you in any way, just let them! It's their choice to be who they are, just as it's your choice to be who you are.
And why do we have to keep changing the phrases of things so that they're policitally correct? It gets so confusing, there seems to be a new phrase or term every week. In my opinion, it's ridiculous. We've been studying language change in English Language. I'm sorry if I'm ever politically incorrect but I can't seem to keep up.
I tend to speak my mind and tell people how they feel. But I don't do it out of place. Sometimes it is better - and easier - to hold you emotions in, let them out in a different way, not by telling the person how you feel but maybe by playing a sport, punching a pillow or singing your heart out for a while.
But sometimes people can't learn and improve if they don't know what it is they're doing wrong. As long as you're not too harsh, too mean and you give someone constructive criticism, or you tell them you opinion in a fir argument while taking into consideration their point of view, then there is no problem.
I love writing blogs. This is the way I release my emotion.
Oh and maybe singing my heart out every now and again. That kind of works for me.
x
I've taken PE as an A level, and in one of our lessons recently we were discussing "state and trait" personalities. "State and Trait" is when you feel one way about something and in a normal situation you were act like you wanted to, for example if you were discussing racism or homosexuals or something that maybe be offensive to someone like that with a friend, you could voice your true opinion and your friend may disagree but nothign would come about it. The other side to this, however, is if you're put in a different situation, for example, say you had to write an article for a newspaper or do a speech at a school, you would act and write how you think you should, without voicing your true opinion incase in influenced others to feel or at this way. This is true for most people, and there is definately a time and a place for everything.
What the problem with everything? Why is it a problem is someone is white and someone else isn't? There is not need to any kind of racism. The thng that annoys me the most is if someone is sexist. I cannot sttand sexist men who think they're better that females. They're egotistical, annoying and they always thing they can do things 10 times better than woman when the majority of the time the can't. For this reason, when women and sexist about men, I usually defend men because it's hypocrital of me otherwise.
Any kind of inequality, homophobics, sexism, racism, any other kind of phobic or ism. There's just no need. If they're not the same race as you, that's not their fault, and they shouldn't be treated differently because of it. If they want to be gay, or a greebo or a chav or just different from you in any way, just let them! It's their choice to be who they are, just as it's your choice to be who you are.
And why do we have to keep changing the phrases of things so that they're policitally correct? It gets so confusing, there seems to be a new phrase or term every week. In my opinion, it's ridiculous. We've been studying language change in English Language. I'm sorry if I'm ever politically incorrect but I can't seem to keep up.
I tend to speak my mind and tell people how they feel. But I don't do it out of place. Sometimes it is better - and easier - to hold you emotions in, let them out in a different way, not by telling the person how you feel but maybe by playing a sport, punching a pillow or singing your heart out for a while.
But sometimes people can't learn and improve if they don't know what it is they're doing wrong. As long as you're not too harsh, too mean and you give someone constructive criticism, or you tell them you opinion in a fir argument while taking into consideration their point of view, then there is no problem.
I love writing blogs. This is the way I release my emotion.
Oh and maybe singing my heart out every now and again. That kind of works for me.
x
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Which Path To Choose.
Is it such a crime that I don't know what I want to do with my life at 17? It's a bg world out there and there a lot of desicions to be made. Do they all need to be made when we're so young?
There are so many paths that we could take, how are we meant to know which one is right? Surely we have our whole life to travel down them all and see which one we want to venture down for a second time.
All my life, I've always wanted to try out so many things and I've never really been sure what I actually wanted to do with them. I've always been looking for "my thing". The thing that I love doing, I'm passionate about, and I'm good at. I always wanted to do Maths at uni because I was good at it, I found it fairly interesting and I didn't know anything else that I could do. That was until last year when I decided actually I wasn't so good at Maths as I and everyone thought after I got my AS grades. Then I decided I wanted to do English. I've been through phases of wanting to do things I really do love and that I am good at, but these things are so difficult to actually persue a career in that my parents and teachers persuade me not to, and I'm too scared to go for something I might not achieve that will leave me with very little and a lot of debt. These things are photography - which I love, I'm fairly good at and I'm very, very keen to learn, and musical theatre - but that's strictly an extra curricular, my escape and the hobby that I adore, the one that keeps me sane and helps me let go.
Now, I'm not sure I really want to do English, but it's a bit late now because I'm being pressured into getting my application for university completed within the next few weeks, which is really difficult because I'm trying to write a personal statement about what I want to do. But I don't even know what I want to do.
My brother is 25, and he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. Why are people laying into us about it? My parents always ask him whether he's going to stay in the line of work he's in forever. He doesn't know. For the time being, he'll have to because he doesn't know what other options he has.
We're still young! We've got our whole lives ahead of us. Our whole lives to decide what we want to do, when and how. And who with. We might not even have met the people that we want to spend out lives with yet. Next year I'm going to be leaving this town to see the rest of the country and hopefully after that the rest of the world. And along the way I'm pretty sure I'm going to met a lot of new people. Amazing new people that I'll want to stay in touch with, and if that doesn't happen, people I know I'll remember for the rest of my life.
Is it so bad that we don't know what we want to do? Did you know what you wanted to do when you were 17 (if you're older than that)? And if you're not older than that then don't worry if you don't know at 17 - I know loads of people that were or are in the same boat as you.
If you decide what you want to do so young, and you plan your life around in, where are you going to fit in trying new things? How do you know that's what you're meant to do in life, how do you know there's not something else that you're amazing and and you love, but you just haven't tried it yet?
I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me for not knowing what I want to do, I'm sorry if there's things you expect of me that I haven't done, and I'm sorry if I don't achieve the things you want me to in life. But I need to find my own hopes, dreams an achievements, doing things my own way, learning from my own mistakes and being the person I am, the person that I want to be - not the one that you want me to be.
"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life... The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t." Baz Luhrman.
Everyone around me is turning 18 or older. Should be know at 18 what we want to do? Or is 18 too late?
You're got your whole life to try out everything you ever wanted. It's never too late. Never.
x
There are so many paths that we could take, how are we meant to know which one is right? Surely we have our whole life to travel down them all and see which one we want to venture down for a second time.
All my life, I've always wanted to try out so many things and I've never really been sure what I actually wanted to do with them. I've always been looking for "my thing". The thing that I love doing, I'm passionate about, and I'm good at. I always wanted to do Maths at uni because I was good at it, I found it fairly interesting and I didn't know anything else that I could do. That was until last year when I decided actually I wasn't so good at Maths as I and everyone thought after I got my AS grades. Then I decided I wanted to do English. I've been through phases of wanting to do things I really do love and that I am good at, but these things are so difficult to actually persue a career in that my parents and teachers persuade me not to, and I'm too scared to go for something I might not achieve that will leave me with very little and a lot of debt. These things are photography - which I love, I'm fairly good at and I'm very, very keen to learn, and musical theatre - but that's strictly an extra curricular, my escape and the hobby that I adore, the one that keeps me sane and helps me let go.
Now, I'm not sure I really want to do English, but it's a bit late now because I'm being pressured into getting my application for university completed within the next few weeks, which is really difficult because I'm trying to write a personal statement about what I want to do. But I don't even know what I want to do.
My brother is 25, and he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. Why are people laying into us about it? My parents always ask him whether he's going to stay in the line of work he's in forever. He doesn't know. For the time being, he'll have to because he doesn't know what other options he has.
We're still young! We've got our whole lives ahead of us. Our whole lives to decide what we want to do, when and how. And who with. We might not even have met the people that we want to spend out lives with yet. Next year I'm going to be leaving this town to see the rest of the country and hopefully after that the rest of the world. And along the way I'm pretty sure I'm going to met a lot of new people. Amazing new people that I'll want to stay in touch with, and if that doesn't happen, people I know I'll remember for the rest of my life.
Is it so bad that we don't know what we want to do? Did you know what you wanted to do when you were 17 (if you're older than that)? And if you're not older than that then don't worry if you don't know at 17 - I know loads of people that were or are in the same boat as you.
If you decide what you want to do so young, and you plan your life around in, where are you going to fit in trying new things? How do you know that's what you're meant to do in life, how do you know there's not something else that you're amazing and and you love, but you just haven't tried it yet?
I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me for not knowing what I want to do, I'm sorry if there's things you expect of me that I haven't done, and I'm sorry if I don't achieve the things you want me to in life. But I need to find my own hopes, dreams an achievements, doing things my own way, learning from my own mistakes and being the person I am, the person that I want to be - not the one that you want me to be.
"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life... The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t." Baz Luhrman.
Everyone around me is turning 18 or older. Should be know at 18 what we want to do? Or is 18 too late?
You're got your whole life to try out everything you ever wanted. It's never too late. Never.
x
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Ode To Bracken.
In 1999, when I was 7, my parents bought a puppy. A little tri (black white and brown) border collie who we called Bracken. My mom did agility and obedience with her until she was four years old, when she has a fit at the side of the canal because someone had illegally put some pesticide stuff down that she reacted badly to. After that, she wasn't allowed to do agility anymore because she had problems with her bone structure in her back. She had 2 more fits in the next few months and she calmed down, she became much more reserved, quiet and shy than she had once been. I started doing obedience with her, and in 2004, we got another tri border collie called Skye, who my Mom did agility with.
In December 2007, she had to have an operation that went well and they said she should be fine again for the next couple of years.
It was the 13th March 2008. Only 3 months after the operation. It was the day after a Maths exam that I had been completely stressing about, and the one single day that I just happened to be coming home late after school. When I came home, Skye was the only one in the house. No family and no Bracken. I knew something was wrong. When the car pulled up and my parents walked in. They shouted up to me to say hello and I could hear that my Mom had been crying. I came downstairs and the first thing I noticed was that Bracken wasn't with them. I knew. My Mom said she'd waited until my Maths exam had been over - waited until I was less stressed - she was trying to wait for me, she followed my Mom around for about 20 minutes and waited for me to come home. But she just couldn't wait any longer, and lay down. Mom took her to the vets but there was nothing she could do. I've never been so upset about anything in my life.
I wrote this about a month after she died, and I was thinking about her and looking through photos of her today and I thought I'd dedicate a blog on here to her, because she was such a wonderful, good natured girl.
Bracken.
I miss you...
We all do.
Skye's lost without you.
You were too young. My gorgeous puppy! ='(
I'm sorry for everything bad that happened to you. You didn't deserve it.
But it was a great 8 years, darlin', and I'll never forget a moment of it.
There's nobody to collapse onto me when I'm sitting on the floor...
There's nobody to lie under the table when I'm in the kitchen.
There's nobody to be patient with me.
There's nobody to come home to every day.
There's nobody calm and lovely to hug at home.
There's nobody to sit with me for hours.
There's nobody here when I'm "home alone".
There's nobody to keep Skye company in the day.
There's nobody to take out when I can't stand it anymore.
"She was my beautiful girl."
"She was my best friend..."
Remember the time Carly and I took you and Bonnie out for the day?
I'll never forget that day. It was so fun...
On the bus... you hid and sat like a good girl. Like the good girl you always were.
Bonnie wanted to explore...
And when we went through the lanes and you both nearly went into that pond.
And when you went into the stream and I thought you were going to get stuck...
You two made a great pair.
RIP, both of you. I hope you're keeping each other and Monty company.
And what about the time we bought Skye home?
I sat with you all the time because she annoyed me... She annoyed you too.
She loved you to bits. It was amusing to see you put her in her place.
You got used to her though, as I did.
You were her mother, her sister, and her best friend.
She misses you so much. She waited by the door for weeks for you to come home.
I think she realised you weren't coming... She's not as bouncy as she used to be.
I think of you all the time.
Especially when it rains.
I will always love you. And I will always miss you.
I'll compare every one to you.
See you again someday...
x
And this is my ode to Bracken from September 2009. A year and six months later...
Now, we have a new puppy... She's called Myst, she's chocolate and white - slightly different. Oh babe, she'd love you. She's just like you, except she's much more annoying and not as well behaved, and a she's a bit weird and edgy. Dad hates her - him and Skye are friends now. She has her doolally moments, just like you did. She runs around the garden in circles for ages and then comes in and jumps on whoever she sees first. I don't know whether you'd be her biggest fan, but I know you'd teach her and put her in her place when she tried to step out of it. I don't like dog training with her - it's not the same as it was with you.
Skye misses you. She's doing well in agility though, Mom and her recently got into grade two. You'd have celebrated with us. She went away with Mom for a week and Myst moped around the house and wouldn't leave my side until Skye got home. It reminded me of Skye the week you left us.
They always come to me when I'm upset though, just as you did. Except they come and paw and lick me. I know they're only trying to make me feel better but it was much nicer when you just come and lay by me and you would rest your head on me.
I still miss you, and think of you every day.
I still wish on the stars - and I know you're there because they sometimes come true.
I love you.
x
In December 2007, she had to have an operation that went well and they said she should be fine again for the next couple of years.
It was the 13th March 2008. Only 3 months after the operation. It was the day after a Maths exam that I had been completely stressing about, and the one single day that I just happened to be coming home late after school. When I came home, Skye was the only one in the house. No family and no Bracken. I knew something was wrong. When the car pulled up and my parents walked in. They shouted up to me to say hello and I could hear that my Mom had been crying. I came downstairs and the first thing I noticed was that Bracken wasn't with them. I knew. My Mom said she'd waited until my Maths exam had been over - waited until I was less stressed - she was trying to wait for me, she followed my Mom around for about 20 minutes and waited for me to come home. But she just couldn't wait any longer, and lay down. Mom took her to the vets but there was nothing she could do. I've never been so upset about anything in my life.
I wrote this about a month after she died, and I was thinking about her and looking through photos of her today and I thought I'd dedicate a blog on here to her, because she was such a wonderful, good natured girl.
Bracken.
I miss you...
We all do.
Skye's lost without you.
You were too young. My gorgeous puppy! ='(
I'm sorry for everything bad that happened to you. You didn't deserve it.
But it was a great 8 years, darlin', and I'll never forget a moment of it.
There's nobody to collapse onto me when I'm sitting on the floor...
There's nobody to lie under the table when I'm in the kitchen.
There's nobody to be patient with me.
There's nobody to come home to every day.
There's nobody calm and lovely to hug at home.
There's nobody to sit with me for hours.
There's nobody here when I'm "home alone".
There's nobody to keep Skye company in the day.
There's nobody to take out when I can't stand it anymore.
"She was my beautiful girl."
"She was my best friend..."
Remember the time Carly and I took you and Bonnie out for the day?
I'll never forget that day. It was so fun...
On the bus... you hid and sat like a good girl. Like the good girl you always were.
Bonnie wanted to explore...
And when we went through the lanes and you both nearly went into that pond.
And when you went into the stream and I thought you were going to get stuck...
You two made a great pair.
RIP, both of you. I hope you're keeping each other and Monty company.
And what about the time we bought Skye home?
I sat with you all the time because she annoyed me... She annoyed you too.
She loved you to bits. It was amusing to see you put her in her place.
You got used to her though, as I did.
You were her mother, her sister, and her best friend.
She misses you so much. She waited by the door for weeks for you to come home.
I think she realised you weren't coming... She's not as bouncy as she used to be.
I think of you all the time.
Especially when it rains.
I will always love you. And I will always miss you.
I'll compare every one to you.
See you again someday...
x
And this is my ode to Bracken from September 2009. A year and six months later...
Now, we have a new puppy... She's called Myst, she's chocolate and white - slightly different. Oh babe, she'd love you. She's just like you, except she's much more annoying and not as well behaved, and a she's a bit weird and edgy. Dad hates her - him and Skye are friends now. She has her doolally moments, just like you did. She runs around the garden in circles for ages and then comes in and jumps on whoever she sees first. I don't know whether you'd be her biggest fan, but I know you'd teach her and put her in her place when she tried to step out of it. I don't like dog training with her - it's not the same as it was with you.
Skye misses you. She's doing well in agility though, Mom and her recently got into grade two. You'd have celebrated with us. She went away with Mom for a week and Myst moped around the house and wouldn't leave my side until Skye got home. It reminded me of Skye the week you left us.
They always come to me when I'm upset though, just as you did. Except they come and paw and lick me. I know they're only trying to make me feel better but it was much nicer when you just come and lay by me and you would rest your head on me.
I still miss you, and think of you every day.
I still wish on the stars - and I know you're there because they sometimes come true.
I love you.
x
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Setting Standards.
Results Day.
Today, everyone in year 12 and 13 student has gone to fetch their AS or A level results in hope of getting the grades they want to either get into university, or to boost them forward into year 13 so they'll be able to get the grades next year for university.
But what if they don't get the grades? Everyone sayas not to worry, universities set their standards really high to get the best people in and then when not everyone gets the grades, the universities accept them anyway. If they don't, you can always put yourself through clearing and find a university that has the course for you. Sometimes, you might even be happier and the university you end up at than the one you planned to go to in the first place. not that you could ever know, because both situations could never happen.
I'll be worried about university next summer. I'm worried about it now! Today, after recieving and analysing my results, I've decided that instead of doing what I've been planning on doing since I was about 10 years old - studying Maths at university - I'm going to study English Language, because that is what I've been getting my highest grades in all year. So now I need to complete start my UCAS application all over again.
My results, once again, were not as high as I had expected, but they weren't as much of a shock or dissapointment as last year. So now, I have two more sets of results to recieve, my January results next March, and next year with my fianl results. And if it carries on improving slightly each time I get results, by next summer, I'll be generally happy with the results I get. (This is what I'm hoping for anyway).
When I tell people my results for GCSE, or for AS levels or any other grades, they always say that I've done really well and I shouldn't be put out by it. The thing is the standards I set for myself are always higher than I achieve and people don't understand that I'm not going to be happy unless I meet my target - I might have done well by someone else's standards, but not by my own. But recently I think my standards are unrealistically high because I can never seem to be able to reach them anymore.
Set yourself achievable standards and be happy with them when you reach them. Don't worry or dwell on other people's opinions or goals.
The standards that matter to you should be yours and yours alone.
x
Today, everyone in year 12 and 13 student has gone to fetch their AS or A level results in hope of getting the grades they want to either get into university, or to boost them forward into year 13 so they'll be able to get the grades next year for university.
But what if they don't get the grades? Everyone sayas not to worry, universities set their standards really high to get the best people in and then when not everyone gets the grades, the universities accept them anyway. If they don't, you can always put yourself through clearing and find a university that has the course for you. Sometimes, you might even be happier and the university you end up at than the one you planned to go to in the first place. not that you could ever know, because both situations could never happen.
I'll be worried about university next summer. I'm worried about it now! Today, after recieving and analysing my results, I've decided that instead of doing what I've been planning on doing since I was about 10 years old - studying Maths at university - I'm going to study English Language, because that is what I've been getting my highest grades in all year. So now I need to complete start my UCAS application all over again.
My results, once again, were not as high as I had expected, but they weren't as much of a shock or dissapointment as last year. So now, I have two more sets of results to recieve, my January results next March, and next year with my fianl results. And if it carries on improving slightly each time I get results, by next summer, I'll be generally happy with the results I get. (This is what I'm hoping for anyway).
When I tell people my results for GCSE, or for AS levels or any other grades, they always say that I've done really well and I shouldn't be put out by it. The thing is the standards I set for myself are always higher than I achieve and people don't understand that I'm not going to be happy unless I meet my target - I might have done well by someone else's standards, but not by my own. But recently I think my standards are unrealistically high because I can never seem to be able to reach them anymore.
Set yourself achievable standards and be happy with them when you reach them. Don't worry or dwell on other people's opinions or goals.
The standards that matter to you should be yours and yours alone.
x
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
"Forbidden Fruit."
What is it about things that we're not supposed to have, not supposed to do? Why do they always seem so much better, so much more interesting than things that we're allowed to have?
When you tell children not to do something, it just makes the thing they are not allowed to do 10 times more appealing than if they were allowed to do it in the first place. When you were little, didn't you do the things you were told not to, just to see what would happen, what the adults would say and to see why you weren't allowed to do it in the first place?
It tastes sweet but it's bad for your health - or your teeth - so you can't have too much of it (or sometimes any at all).
It's just a metaphor. On the outside, or the here and now it looks great, but if you stop and really think about it, the long term consequences can outweigh the benefits.
From the beginning, there was always the stories of the "forbidden fruit" with Adam and Eve, and probably other stories for other religions, but it didn't stop those in the stories and they were out of the ordinary people who made it into the bible. If they make these mistakes, surely we should be able to aswell.
For example, I always go for guys that are out of bounds. Guys that I am just not allowed to be with for one reason or another. It's such a pain.
The feeling that a guy (or girl) is responding to you when you're talking (and maybe flirting with them because you like them) is such a nice one. What if you get that feeling, but they're out of bounds and you're not allowed to act upon it?
It's always the same though. My friends always go for guys they could actually be with if the feeling was mutual. There would be some way to work it out, but it's always an ultimatum with the lads I choose. I'd never choose a guy over a friend or family, it's just the way I was bought up - and how amazing my friends and family are. But that leaves me just wishing it had been different.
Making a big deal out of little problems sometimes makes you feel better within yourself. I emphasise them sometimes. It makes you feel better when the people - or person - that you want to notice and ask if things are okay do actually notice and ask. If you don't make a big deal of it and then they don't realise, this makes you feel worse because you think they don't care. I can't explain how that feels, but it's one of the worst feelings ever, caring for someone - whether it be as a friend, a family member or a feeling for someone you want to be with - when they don't care as much back.
But if you really want or desire something, is it worth fighting for, risking the friendships and relationships between others for a special, new one? Is it worth risking other people's happiness for your own? I think it completely depends on who you are going to upset - and how special the new person is.
You can't stay in the background forever just to keep everyone else happy. Sometimes, you have to do what you want - not what everyone else wants - to make yourself happy. The tough part is deciding when, where and who. You can't do it too often or if you're not certain. Because if you do, you could lose everything. But is that part of the thrill?
“We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us.”
But on the other hand...
“If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it.”
One choice. Your choice. Good luck.
x
When you tell children not to do something, it just makes the thing they are not allowed to do 10 times more appealing than if they were allowed to do it in the first place. When you were little, didn't you do the things you were told not to, just to see what would happen, what the adults would say and to see why you weren't allowed to do it in the first place?
It tastes sweet but it's bad for your health - or your teeth - so you can't have too much of it (or sometimes any at all).
It's just a metaphor. On the outside, or the here and now it looks great, but if you stop and really think about it, the long term consequences can outweigh the benefits.
From the beginning, there was always the stories of the "forbidden fruit" with Adam and Eve, and probably other stories for other religions, but it didn't stop those in the stories and they were out of the ordinary people who made it into the bible. If they make these mistakes, surely we should be able to aswell.
For example, I always go for guys that are out of bounds. Guys that I am just not allowed to be with for one reason or another. It's such a pain.
The feeling that a guy (or girl) is responding to you when you're talking (and maybe flirting with them because you like them) is such a nice one. What if you get that feeling, but they're out of bounds and you're not allowed to act upon it?
It's always the same though. My friends always go for guys they could actually be with if the feeling was mutual. There would be some way to work it out, but it's always an ultimatum with the lads I choose. I'd never choose a guy over a friend or family, it's just the way I was bought up - and how amazing my friends and family are. But that leaves me just wishing it had been different.
Making a big deal out of little problems sometimes makes you feel better within yourself. I emphasise them sometimes. It makes you feel better when the people - or person - that you want to notice and ask if things are okay do actually notice and ask. If you don't make a big deal of it and then they don't realise, this makes you feel worse because you think they don't care. I can't explain how that feels, but it's one of the worst feelings ever, caring for someone - whether it be as a friend, a family member or a feeling for someone you want to be with - when they don't care as much back.
But if you really want or desire something, is it worth fighting for, risking the friendships and relationships between others for a special, new one? Is it worth risking other people's happiness for your own? I think it completely depends on who you are going to upset - and how special the new person is.
You can't stay in the background forever just to keep everyone else happy. Sometimes, you have to do what you want - not what everyone else wants - to make yourself happy. The tough part is deciding when, where and who. You can't do it too often or if you're not certain. Because if you do, you could lose everything. But is that part of the thrill?
“We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us.”
But on the other hand...
“If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it.”
One choice. Your choice. Good luck.
x
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Triggering Memories.
My computer been down for about 6 months because I had too many photos on it so there was no memory left and it was going so, so slowly that it was practicially impossible to use, but now I'm back on it after backing up some photos of here that maybe I should have done a long time ago. But now I'm back on it and I've started listening to the playlists I made at a certain time in my life. I have some playlists that are named by the month I made them, and when I listen to them I remember the things that happened that month. I go through phases when I listen to one song loads and loads for a while and then I find a new favourite song, and I can always relate the song to something that's happening in my life at that time, so when I listen to the song, I go back to the time in my life when I could relate to it.
Certain songs trigger certain memories and it makes me think about and remember how I felt back then, how upset or happy or angry or confused I was. Does that make sense? Have you ever had that? Remembering the traumas we had back then, they seem like nothing now but they were so tragic, scary and important back then. Those were amazing days. Good times. Sometimes, I would do anything to go back to those days.
I find it strange how things from your past can come back and be in your present again. Hearing a song you used to listen to on the radio or something and having it as one of your favourite songs again, or talking to people and becoming close with people who you haven't spoken to in years that you used to be such good friends or more with.
Me and one of my best friends went to a long walk today, it was hot and we had a really good talk. It was like old times, doing something we did a few years ago and that triggered all the memories of the summer of year 9 - a summer that I know will make anyone who was involved smile.
Someone told me that the strongest sense for triggering a memory was smell. I never really believed it because I'd never had to relate, but recently I've found out what they meant, and I completely agree.
I went out a few months ago and met a guy, (there is a blog about it), and I had a little bottle of perfume in my bag, I don't know what it was called but it smelt lovely. It was one of my favourite perfumes ever. Except, it leaked all leaked in my bag so that there was none left. I was so disappointed because I loved it so much and I only had a little bottle of it.
Well, now my bag smells really nice, but everytime I pick it up I smell the perfume and it reminds me and makes me think of that lad.
Is it a bad thing though, that such little things can trigger off such memories? I don't think it is. I didn't think it was a good thing when I was trying to get over him when it ended, but now when I smell it I can smile because it was a good few weeks and I remember being so happy. I'm smiling now thinking about it.
*Never regret something that made you smile.*
The past, although gone, remains part of you forever. Never forget it, cherish it, and learn from it. But don't dwell on it.
x
Certain songs trigger certain memories and it makes me think about and remember how I felt back then, how upset or happy or angry or confused I was. Does that make sense? Have you ever had that? Remembering the traumas we had back then, they seem like nothing now but they were so tragic, scary and important back then. Those were amazing days. Good times. Sometimes, I would do anything to go back to those days.
I find it strange how things from your past can come back and be in your present again. Hearing a song you used to listen to on the radio or something and having it as one of your favourite songs again, or talking to people and becoming close with people who you haven't spoken to in years that you used to be such good friends or more with.
Me and one of my best friends went to a long walk today, it was hot and we had a really good talk. It was like old times, doing something we did a few years ago and that triggered all the memories of the summer of year 9 - a summer that I know will make anyone who was involved smile.
Someone told me that the strongest sense for triggering a memory was smell. I never really believed it because I'd never had to relate, but recently I've found out what they meant, and I completely agree.
I went out a few months ago and met a guy, (there is a blog about it), and I had a little bottle of perfume in my bag, I don't know what it was called but it smelt lovely. It was one of my favourite perfumes ever. Except, it leaked all leaked in my bag so that there was none left. I was so disappointed because I loved it so much and I only had a little bottle of it.
Well, now my bag smells really nice, but everytime I pick it up I smell the perfume and it reminds me and makes me think of that lad.
Is it a bad thing though, that such little things can trigger off such memories? I don't think it is. I didn't think it was a good thing when I was trying to get over him when it ended, but now when I smell it I can smile because it was a good few weeks and I remember being so happy. I'm smiling now thinking about it.
*Never regret something that made you smile.*
The past, although gone, remains part of you forever. Never forget it, cherish it, and learn from it. But don't dwell on it.
x
"The Movement" -- Climate Change.
I've just found the application where you can put photos on your blogs. I'm not much a technical person, and I don't tend to play around with applications like this, but I do love photos. This is an understatement, actually. I've got an SLR, and I'm obsessed with photos. So be sure to see lots of photos on all of my blogs from now on.
This one is a photo of my best friend (left), me (middle) and one of my cousins (right), we painted our faces for an art project to do with climate change, and that's what my blog is about today, climate change.
I'm not going to preach about how everyone needs to change to save the world, how we are all doomed if things aren't changed, or even explain what climate change it and how we can help it.
As you've probably gathered, me and my best friend are involved in the UK YCC (UK Youth Climate Coalition) and YOMAC (You, Me and the Climate - an organtisation run by the National Trust) because we want to help do something about climate change.
We're going to be holding some events in the near future in Walsall for raise public awareness and promote not wasting and recycling.
Our first event is going to be called "The Movement", it'll be a dance show sort of thing with a stall in Walsall, then the second, hopefully will be a fundraiser at the town hall, a singing and dancing show. The slogan is "Sing as if no-one if listening. Dance as if no-one is watching. Live as if you can save tomorrow."
Do you believe in Climate Change and Global Warming? The turning point is 2015. We need to level out our carbon emissions by then. Fingers crosses that people won't be so ignorant towards it. It might be natural, but it's happening many, many times faster than it should be.
Our current blogspot is http://liveloverecycle.blogspot.com/ if you want to look, hopefully it'll be updated soon. We'll make sure all the events are posted on there. You can also find us on facebook if you search for Live Love Recycle.
We want to change the world, and lay out a happy and worry-free future for our children and grandchildren. Will you help us?
Be the change you want to see in the world.
x
This one is a photo of my best friend (left), me (middle) and one of my cousins (right), we painted our faces for an art project to do with climate change, and that's what my blog is about today, climate change.
I'm not going to preach about how everyone needs to change to save the world, how we are all doomed if things aren't changed, or even explain what climate change it and how we can help it.
As you've probably gathered, me and my best friend are involved in the UK YCC (UK Youth Climate Coalition) and YOMAC (You, Me and the Climate - an organtisation run by the National Trust) because we want to help do something about climate change.
We're going to be holding some events in the near future in Walsall for raise public awareness and promote not wasting and recycling.
Our first event is going to be called "The Movement", it'll be a dance show sort of thing with a stall in Walsall, then the second, hopefully will be a fundraiser at the town hall, a singing and dancing show. The slogan is "Sing as if no-one if listening. Dance as if no-one is watching. Live as if you can save tomorrow."
Do you believe in Climate Change and Global Warming? The turning point is 2015. We need to level out our carbon emissions by then. Fingers crosses that people won't be so ignorant towards it. It might be natural, but it's happening many, many times faster than it should be.
Our current blogspot is http://liveloverecycle.blogspot.com/ if you want to look, hopefully it'll be updated soon. We'll make sure all the events are posted on there. You can also find us on facebook if you search for Live Love Recycle.
We want to change the world, and lay out a happy and worry-free future for our children and grandchildren. Will you help us?
Be the change you want to see in the world.
x
Saturday, 1 August 2009
White Rabbits.
On the 1st of every month, if you say "white rabbits" three times before you say anything to anybody, apparently it's supposed to give you good luck for the month.
I'm not really that supersticious, but I follow a lot of supersticions for the fun of doing them. Having good luck for the month seems a pretty good thing, so I'm not going to turn down that chance that saying white rabbits might just give me good luck.
Before now, it's never really worked, but I suppose some months have been better than others, and every month could be worse, right? So maybe it does work.
Currently, I'm having an issue with a lad I've mentioned before, the guy I might develop a thing for. Well... I won't admit I have, but things are weird between us. He's got a girl that I don't like, (well I don't really think that's a coincidence), and we argue a lot, recently we've not been on the best of terms because he did and said some things that I didn't agree with or affended me. I found out, one way or another, that he'd spoken to his friends about me and been a bit bothered about the fact that I hadn't been talking to him as much. If I'm honest, that made me smile.
I don't understand lads. I don't think we're meant to, to be honest. Luckily, I have male friends who can help me out big time.
Zodiac signs say that some people with certains signs go better and could potentially have better relationships with other certain signs. For example, a female pisces and a male taurus are meant to be really good together, where as a female pisces and a male scorpio do not. I don't really think these are true, but I like to look and check them out anyway. Do you believe in them? I wonder how many people do. If they were true, we'd all be sorted, wouldn't we? We'd find out with zodiac sign compliments ours the most and just go in search of someone with that sign. I might try it, see how far it gets me.
For July and August, the weather isn't that great. It's been raining torrentially all day by me. I might make a break for it now and take the dog out for a bit. I don't mind if it starts raining while we're out anyway. Walking in the rain somehow helps me think, and makes me smile. I don't really know why, but I like it that way.
Rain or shine, don't let the weather affect your mood. Pathetic fallacy is a good way to show emotion in books and films, but in realy life, you should be in control.
"White Rabbits." Make your own luck.
x
I'm not really that supersticious, but I follow a lot of supersticions for the fun of doing them. Having good luck for the month seems a pretty good thing, so I'm not going to turn down that chance that saying white rabbits might just give me good luck.
Before now, it's never really worked, but I suppose some months have been better than others, and every month could be worse, right? So maybe it does work.
Currently, I'm having an issue with a lad I've mentioned before, the guy I might develop a thing for. Well... I won't admit I have, but things are weird between us. He's got a girl that I don't like, (well I don't really think that's a coincidence), and we argue a lot, recently we've not been on the best of terms because he did and said some things that I didn't agree with or affended me. I found out, one way or another, that he'd spoken to his friends about me and been a bit bothered about the fact that I hadn't been talking to him as much. If I'm honest, that made me smile.
I don't understand lads. I don't think we're meant to, to be honest. Luckily, I have male friends who can help me out big time.
Zodiac signs say that some people with certains signs go better and could potentially have better relationships with other certain signs. For example, a female pisces and a male taurus are meant to be really good together, where as a female pisces and a male scorpio do not. I don't really think these are true, but I like to look and check them out anyway. Do you believe in them? I wonder how many people do. If they were true, we'd all be sorted, wouldn't we? We'd find out with zodiac sign compliments ours the most and just go in search of someone with that sign. I might try it, see how far it gets me.
For July and August, the weather isn't that great. It's been raining torrentially all day by me. I might make a break for it now and take the dog out for a bit. I don't mind if it starts raining while we're out anyway. Walking in the rain somehow helps me think, and makes me smile. I don't really know why, but I like it that way.
Rain or shine, don't let the weather affect your mood. Pathetic fallacy is a good way to show emotion in books and films, but in realy life, you should be in control.
"White Rabbits." Make your own luck.
x
Sunday, 26 July 2009
Back Again.
Back to the happiness...
I go on about life changing moments, moments of truth, special moments that you'll keep with you forever. But those moments, what about the desicions we make in them? What do the desicions mean?
If we go with the answer or desicion that means your life will change, then you are not currently perfectly happy. If you're perfectly content with yourself, your life and the people in it, then you would not go with the desicion that would change things. Unless it was offering you something outstanding and out of this world that is a real once in a life time opportunity or very unlikely to happen again.
If you do want choose for something to change, then you are obviously not entirely happy because if you were then there would be nothing to change.
A friend said to me, when I asked her about it some time ago now, that she was perfectly content with how things were and didn't want anything to change. She liked how everyone was friends, good friends, just friends, and that was how she hoped it would stay. Well... That how it has stayed for her. I'm really glad. Happy, contented in life and love, (even though she doesn't even have a guy, I think that's even better).
But I haven't stopped thinking about how I wanted something to change. All year, I've wanted something to happen, something to change, something or someone exciting to come along and turn my world upsidedown - good or bad- just for a while, and when life is normal again then I'll be content with that fact that it's the calm after a storm. Well, that's what I'm hoping for, anyway. Someone did come and change things - but it lasted 3 weeks.
We've been hoping this will be 'the summer'. The summer of all summers to date, that brings love, laughs and memories. It's not looking so great at the moment though.
Once again, we're off. Just like when we went to Swindon - we're going to Newcastle upon Tyne. Let Newcastle be what we're hoping and waiting for - an escape from life for a while. But I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.
I hope everyone's world gets turned upside down at least once in their lives. That's the memory that everyone looks back on and smiles at.
x
I go on about life changing moments, moments of truth, special moments that you'll keep with you forever. But those moments, what about the desicions we make in them? What do the desicions mean?
If we go with the answer or desicion that means your life will change, then you are not currently perfectly happy. If you're perfectly content with yourself, your life and the people in it, then you would not go with the desicion that would change things. Unless it was offering you something outstanding and out of this world that is a real once in a life time opportunity or very unlikely to happen again.
If you do want choose for something to change, then you are obviously not entirely happy because if you were then there would be nothing to change.
A friend said to me, when I asked her about it some time ago now, that she was perfectly content with how things were and didn't want anything to change. She liked how everyone was friends, good friends, just friends, and that was how she hoped it would stay. Well... That how it has stayed for her. I'm really glad. Happy, contented in life and love, (even though she doesn't even have a guy, I think that's even better).
But I haven't stopped thinking about how I wanted something to change. All year, I've wanted something to happen, something to change, something or someone exciting to come along and turn my world upsidedown - good or bad- just for a while, and when life is normal again then I'll be content with that fact that it's the calm after a storm. Well, that's what I'm hoping for, anyway. Someone did come and change things - but it lasted 3 weeks.
We've been hoping this will be 'the summer'. The summer of all summers to date, that brings love, laughs and memories. It's not looking so great at the moment though.
Once again, we're off. Just like when we went to Swindon - we're going to Newcastle upon Tyne. Let Newcastle be what we're hoping and waiting for - an escape from life for a while. But I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.
I hope everyone's world gets turned upside down at least once in their lives. That's the memory that everyone looks back on and smiles at.
x
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
Friendship.
One of my best friends has been in Crete for two weeks, so the four times, the four rehersals, I was supposed to see her, I didn't, and now we have 6 or 7 weeks without rehersals and the chances are we probably won't meet up, because we normally don't. Thinking about it I might ask her, because I've really missed her. It's only been two weeks. I've been than long, and much longer in fact, without her many times, and we've still talked and kept in contact throughout the time, but I really miss her.
Another of my best friends is in Uganda. She's gone for four weeks - for whole weeks! - and when she gets back, she then goes away again for two weeks. I might not see her for a total of 9 weeks. It's heartbreaking really, considering after two weeks, I can't wait for her to be home. I miss her so much, sometimes I have to really try hard to distract myself from thinking of her.
It's upsetting. But the worst thing about it is, in a years time, we will all be praying to get into the university of our choice, and then we'll be scattering ourselves all over the UK and only seeing each other at major holidays. Who knows if we'll even stay in touch to do that? Whatever happens, I know I'm going to make a huge effort to, because of how much I miss 2 girls after 2 weeks of holidays.
Yesterday, the group of girls we used to hang around with in year 11 all got together (apart from the one in Uganda, naturally), to celebrate one of our birthdays. It was such a good day. The girl whose birthday it was left last year, and although we promised we would keep in touch and see each other all the time, we haven't seen each other half as much as I would have expected or hoped. I suppose that's the way it goes though, isn't it?
Nothing ever happens the way you expect it to.
I'm yet to decide whether that's a good or a bad thing.
Hopefully, this summer, we will see much more of each other than we have over the course of this school year.
The effect that a friend can have on you is so different to any other kind of relationship. Nothing can effect a friendship, only you and the friends themselves.
I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I hope we stay in touch forever. It might be a big wish, but I've seen it does, so I don't see why we can't do it.
I think is it such an important thing, don't you? A friendship, it could be with anyone, someone your age, someone older, younger, a teacher, a family member, someone in the same club or school or area as you, a friendship can effect and influence you like nothing else. It can teach you anything, it can change you forever.
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
That is one of my favourite ever quotes. It summarises my friends so perfectly.
I hope everyone has at least one best friend in their lifetime. The belief, hope, and memory of a best friend is worth more than anyone could ever realise.
x
Another of my best friends is in Uganda. She's gone for four weeks - for whole weeks! - and when she gets back, she then goes away again for two weeks. I might not see her for a total of 9 weeks. It's heartbreaking really, considering after two weeks, I can't wait for her to be home. I miss her so much, sometimes I have to really try hard to distract myself from thinking of her.
It's upsetting. But the worst thing about it is, in a years time, we will all be praying to get into the university of our choice, and then we'll be scattering ourselves all over the UK and only seeing each other at major holidays. Who knows if we'll even stay in touch to do that? Whatever happens, I know I'm going to make a huge effort to, because of how much I miss 2 girls after 2 weeks of holidays.
Yesterday, the group of girls we used to hang around with in year 11 all got together (apart from the one in Uganda, naturally), to celebrate one of our birthdays. It was such a good day. The girl whose birthday it was left last year, and although we promised we would keep in touch and see each other all the time, we haven't seen each other half as much as I would have expected or hoped. I suppose that's the way it goes though, isn't it?
Nothing ever happens the way you expect it to.
I'm yet to decide whether that's a good or a bad thing.
Hopefully, this summer, we will see much more of each other than we have over the course of this school year.
The effect that a friend can have on you is so different to any other kind of relationship. Nothing can effect a friendship, only you and the friends themselves.
I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I hope we stay in touch forever. It might be a big wish, but I've seen it does, so I don't see why we can't do it.
I think is it such an important thing, don't you? A friendship, it could be with anyone, someone your age, someone older, younger, a teacher, a family member, someone in the same club or school or area as you, a friendship can effect and influence you like nothing else. It can teach you anything, it can change you forever.
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
That is one of my favourite ever quotes. It summarises my friends so perfectly.
I hope everyone has at least one best friend in their lifetime. The belief, hope, and memory of a best friend is worth more than anyone could ever realise.
x
Saturday, 4 July 2009
Your Heart or Your Head?
I posted a status on facebook recently asking whether we should follow our hearts or our heads. What do you think? I'd like to know your opinion.
"To follow you heart, or your head?"
I've copied and pasted exactly what people put, and in the right order. These are the answers that I got :
"your head"
"do what you feel or thinks right, and don't care what others think :)"
"your nose"
"follow ure heart, u mite end up regreting it"
"Your head, you a bright girl,, your heads choice will be the one that will be better in long termm"
"its better to have lived and loved than to never love at all"
"aslong as your intentions are right, and regrets make you a stronger a person, i live by that :)"
"Heart. It will make you happier!"
"Follow your heart"
"if theres one thing i know bethan its this, u dnt wana luk bk and think what cuda bin cuz it will torture u. atleast try atleast that way u'll know for shaw"
"follow your head your a smart girl but follow your heart because only you no how you feel"
"HEART"
"Hmm heart dosent always give you the right answers :)...so head (Y). depends on the situation ifi ts boy trouble then head..if its wanting to jump in a random swimming pool in majorca (or was it tennerife?) then heart lol ♥ "
"*in reply to the last one* ures sounds like its ment to be the other way round lol x"
Do you agree with these? I had a discussion with one of those people who said we should follow our hearts, and he gave very good reasons for his choice. No-one should ever have to look back and think what could have been, but didn't because they never acted upon it.
I am still undecided though. I think it definately depends on the situation.
I firmly believe that it depends on the risk you're willing to take for the desicion.
I think I may have discussed this before on another blog, but I think it deserves a whole blog dedicated to it because it is very important. I also think it is very dependant on the situation.
It's all about the risk taking, really, isn't it? I mean, if you want something - or someone - you have to risk things such as pride, dignity, maybe time, money and effort. But if you're willing to take these risks then the thing or person you're risking them for is obviously worth it. Whether or not you are sure it is the right thing to do, don't you think you should give it a go anyway? What do you have to lose? Maybe those things, but are they really that important? All there is to know, is how much you want this, and how far you are willing to go. Do the consequences really matter?
And does it really matter how likely it is to go the way you want? If you want something, how do you know which way it is going to go - whatever the chances? It could be the lucky moment - your moment - where things go exactly the way you want them to. But you won't know if you don't try.
I don't really believe in regret, I think it is pointless and there is always something to learn from a mistake so something good can always come out of every situation. But if you are to regret, is it better to regret something that you did do, than regret something that you didn't? I'd rather regret something I did, because I would know that whatever happens, I tried and I acted on my feelings. "What if" is such a question that associates with regret.
To follow your heart or your head?
That is the question.
Whichever is saying yes, listen.
Anything can happen. But only if you let it.
x
"To follow you heart, or your head?"
I've copied and pasted exactly what people put, and in the right order. These are the answers that I got :
"your head"
"do what you feel or thinks right, and don't care what others think :)"
"your nose"
"follow ure heart, u mite end up regreting it"
"Your head, you a bright girl,, your heads choice will be the one that will be better in long termm"
"its better to have lived and loved than to never love at all"
"aslong as your intentions are right, and regrets make you a stronger a person, i live by that :)"
"Heart. It will make you happier!"
"Follow your heart"
"if theres one thing i know bethan its this, u dnt wana luk bk and think what cuda bin cuz it will torture u. atleast try atleast that way u'll know for shaw"
"follow your head your a smart girl but follow your heart because only you no how you feel"
"HEART"
"Hmm heart dosent always give you the right answers :)...so head (Y). depends on the situation ifi ts boy trouble then head..if its wanting to jump in a random swimming pool in majorca (or was it tennerife?) then heart lol ♥ "
"*in reply to the last one* ures sounds like its ment to be the other way round lol x"
Do you agree with these? I had a discussion with one of those people who said we should follow our hearts, and he gave very good reasons for his choice. No-one should ever have to look back and think what could have been, but didn't because they never acted upon it.
I am still undecided though. I think it definately depends on the situation.
I firmly believe that it depends on the risk you're willing to take for the desicion.
I think I may have discussed this before on another blog, but I think it deserves a whole blog dedicated to it because it is very important. I also think it is very dependant on the situation.
It's all about the risk taking, really, isn't it? I mean, if you want something - or someone - you have to risk things such as pride, dignity, maybe time, money and effort. But if you're willing to take these risks then the thing or person you're risking them for is obviously worth it. Whether or not you are sure it is the right thing to do, don't you think you should give it a go anyway? What do you have to lose? Maybe those things, but are they really that important? All there is to know, is how much you want this, and how far you are willing to go. Do the consequences really matter?
And does it really matter how likely it is to go the way you want? If you want something, how do you know which way it is going to go - whatever the chances? It could be the lucky moment - your moment - where things go exactly the way you want them to. But you won't know if you don't try.
I don't really believe in regret, I think it is pointless and there is always something to learn from a mistake so something good can always come out of every situation. But if you are to regret, is it better to regret something that you did do, than regret something that you didn't? I'd rather regret something I did, because I would know that whatever happens, I tried and I acted on my feelings. "What if" is such a question that associates with regret.
To follow your heart or your head?
That is the question.
Whichever is saying yes, listen.
Anything can happen. But only if you let it.
x
Friday, 26 June 2009
Moment of Truth.
Make or break.
Have you ever had one of those moments where something is going to going extremely one way, or extremely the other? A life changing moment and you don't know how things are going to turn out?
If it goes one way it's life changing but if it goes the other way, it means your life goes back to normal without a second thought - although it is a second thought, and a third and fourth, because you can't forget it. It's the sort of decision - or event - that you think "what if" about. But "what if" is never going to change anything. Life goes back to normal, boring normal, back to when you wished something would change.
The moment of truth - make or break - yes or no - happy or sad. It's the moment of truth. Waiting for an answer. But how do you know how truthful the moment is? How are you possibly to know whether the person is telling you the truth, or whether they're just playing games with you and pulling you along for the ride? How do you know they're not going to turn around in a couple of days, weeks, even months and say they've changed their mind, or they made a mistake?
This all comes back to understanding people. Knowing them. Trusting them.
But that's not as easy as it sounds.
How are you ever to know? Well, I suppose you never do know unless you go for it and find out. You have to decide whether it's worth risking. Worth jumping for and not knowing whether the other side is going to be a hard or soft landing.
I believe you should take the risk - it's better to regret something you did that regret something you didn't do, for you would forever been thinking "what if" and that is a feeling I would rather not have too often.
People are so indecisive and confusing. How are you to know when you can trust someone and when you can't? When someone is two faced and someone isn't? Maybe I shouldn't say that - for that is very negative thinking.
Although I may think people are confusing, people may think I am confusing. It is a two way street and I know I should never neglect that fact while trying to figure someone out.
This is it. The moment of truth. Give me truth, I pray. I wait "patiently" - and I will take the risk, for the risk shows your feelings and your truth. Maybe that is what they are looking for too, just as you are.
The future can always change.
The only people who can make that change is you.
If you are thinking about something, hoping and wishing for something, the chances are it's worth risking your feelings for.
Take a chance. Think about the consequences and every possible outcome, but try anyway. You'll learn something, either way.
You never know what might happen.
x
Have you ever had one of those moments where something is going to going extremely one way, or extremely the other? A life changing moment and you don't know how things are going to turn out?
If it goes one way it's life changing but if it goes the other way, it means your life goes back to normal without a second thought - although it is a second thought, and a third and fourth, because you can't forget it. It's the sort of decision - or event - that you think "what if" about. But "what if" is never going to change anything. Life goes back to normal, boring normal, back to when you wished something would change.
The moment of truth - make or break - yes or no - happy or sad. It's the moment of truth. Waiting for an answer. But how do you know how truthful the moment is? How are you possibly to know whether the person is telling you the truth, or whether they're just playing games with you and pulling you along for the ride? How do you know they're not going to turn around in a couple of days, weeks, even months and say they've changed their mind, or they made a mistake?
This all comes back to understanding people. Knowing them. Trusting them.
But that's not as easy as it sounds.
How are you ever to know? Well, I suppose you never do know unless you go for it and find out. You have to decide whether it's worth risking. Worth jumping for and not knowing whether the other side is going to be a hard or soft landing.
I believe you should take the risk - it's better to regret something you did that regret something you didn't do, for you would forever been thinking "what if" and that is a feeling I would rather not have too often.
People are so indecisive and confusing. How are you to know when you can trust someone and when you can't? When someone is two faced and someone isn't? Maybe I shouldn't say that - for that is very negative thinking.
Although I may think people are confusing, people may think I am confusing. It is a two way street and I know I should never neglect that fact while trying to figure someone out.
This is it. The moment of truth. Give me truth, I pray. I wait "patiently" - and I will take the risk, for the risk shows your feelings and your truth. Maybe that is what they are looking for too, just as you are.
The future can always change.
The only people who can make that change is you.
If you are thinking about something, hoping and wishing for something, the chances are it's worth risking your feelings for.
Take a chance. Think about the consequences and every possible outcome, but try anyway. You'll learn something, either way.
You never know what might happen.
x
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Everything Happens For A Reason.
Once again, I am amazed how quickly and dramatically feelings, lives and situations change.
I was able to say I was truly happy a couple of weeks. A few weeks of sunshine, friends, going out where and when we wanted - and meeting a really nice guy who made me happy... and nervous! I think it's really good when someone can make you nervous. A good nervous though, a "oooooh yaayy aahh" kind of nervous rather than a dreading pit of the stomach nervous. Do you know what I mean? It makes sense to me anyway.
He makes me nervous. Well, he did. We don't talk anymore. I was really happy... But things change. Lives change. And don't I know it?
So, as I was saying, I was really happy and even though some things were going wrong, I was still smiling and having the time of my life. It lasted a few weeks, but it ended a few days ago, much to my dispair. Now, we are back at school, my friends are going out and having good times and although I join them the majority of the time, I feel bad the times that I can't go, and when I do go I never seem to have as good times as they seem to, which makes me worry because then I think they might think I'm upset or something and they have to look after me when they don't because I don't want to ruin their fun.
My distraction went really wrong, and the reason it went wrong doesn't make sense to me, I don't understand what happened, and I definately don't understand why. It wasn't anything major, so maybe I'm missing something, and maybe I'm making myself believe that he was a good person and didn't do anything wrong when he did. But I just don't see it. I don't understand why it just ended like that and we can't even talk or be friends. Maybe I was just with the wrong people at wrong time. Maybe he'll figure out and understand what I mean and then make it better.
Maybe I'm just not supposed to understand.
I always say everything happens for a reason. Is this happening for a reason? (A while ago I said I used two or three rhetorical questions in each blog, and it has occurred to me while writing this blog and asking questions that recently I haven't been using that many, if any at all.)
Is this happening for a reason? It must be. In the long term, I am sure I will be able to look back on it and say I learnt something. I can't wait to know what I will learn because I have no idea at this moment.
I don't really believe that a male and a female can have a completely platonic relationship (assuming they are both straight because otherwise my point wouldn't work). There is always a point in their relationship when one likes the other, or when something sexual or physical happens between them. Whether this lasts is a different story - and hopefully a happy one, but it always happens. I can think of very few people that I have had a strictly platonic relationship with, assuming it was accepted for it to be more than platonic.
Everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes you just have a wait a long time to realise what the reason actually is...
Be patient, and try and understand.
There is always a better day ahead. You just have to wait for it.
x
I was able to say I was truly happy a couple of weeks. A few weeks of sunshine, friends, going out where and when we wanted - and meeting a really nice guy who made me happy... and nervous! I think it's really good when someone can make you nervous. A good nervous though, a "oooooh yaayy aahh" kind of nervous rather than a dreading pit of the stomach nervous. Do you know what I mean? It makes sense to me anyway.
He makes me nervous. Well, he did. We don't talk anymore. I was really happy... But things change. Lives change. And don't I know it?
So, as I was saying, I was really happy and even though some things were going wrong, I was still smiling and having the time of my life. It lasted a few weeks, but it ended a few days ago, much to my dispair. Now, we are back at school, my friends are going out and having good times and although I join them the majority of the time, I feel bad the times that I can't go, and when I do go I never seem to have as good times as they seem to, which makes me worry because then I think they might think I'm upset or something and they have to look after me when they don't because I don't want to ruin their fun.
My distraction went really wrong, and the reason it went wrong doesn't make sense to me, I don't understand what happened, and I definately don't understand why. It wasn't anything major, so maybe I'm missing something, and maybe I'm making myself believe that he was a good person and didn't do anything wrong when he did. But I just don't see it. I don't understand why it just ended like that and we can't even talk or be friends. Maybe I was just with the wrong people at wrong time. Maybe he'll figure out and understand what I mean and then make it better.
Maybe I'm just not supposed to understand.
I always say everything happens for a reason. Is this happening for a reason? (A while ago I said I used two or three rhetorical questions in each blog, and it has occurred to me while writing this blog and asking questions that recently I haven't been using that many, if any at all.)
Is this happening for a reason? It must be. In the long term, I am sure I will be able to look back on it and say I learnt something. I can't wait to know what I will learn because I have no idea at this moment.
I don't really believe that a male and a female can have a completely platonic relationship (assuming they are both straight because otherwise my point wouldn't work). There is always a point in their relationship when one likes the other, or when something sexual or physical happens between them. Whether this lasts is a different story - and hopefully a happy one, but it always happens. I can think of very few people that I have had a strictly platonic relationship with, assuming it was accepted for it to be more than platonic.
Everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes you just have a wait a long time to realise what the reason actually is...
Be patient, and try and understand.
There is always a better day ahead. You just have to wait for it.
x
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Distraction.
Well, talk about getting distracted. A couple of days ago I dedicated a whole blog to a guy that I thought something might develop with.
Little did I know the next day, someone I'd met two weeks prior who I had a bit of a fling with who didn't get in touch with me so I thought he didn't want to know, told me he did want to know but he'd not been able to get in touch sooner!
So now, every thought I had that I might develop feelings have all disappeared.
I like how it is so easy to move on when you have a distraction. The friend that I've liked since January, I have only recently got over. Although nothing happened, I'm glad it chose the path it took.
Without a distraction, it is so difficult to get over someone. Only time can help.
I find it strange how one night can change your life, your path, your emotion.
I find it stange how one person can change your life, you path, your emotion.
I know I go on about spontaneity, but my distraction was completely spontaneous and I wasn't expecting it in the least. I really don't know how it's going to go from here, but even so it has been an amazing and very cute couple of weeks which I will look back on and smile about, even if it doesn't end the way I might hope. Hopefully, though, it will go as I would like - but I guess you never know what might happen and what might not. Just have to wait and see, and whatever happens... it happens for a reason. You just have to look back on it with a smile and remember the good times.
Things happen when you least expect it. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. But just remember it for how good it was at the time, whatever happened - however big or small - and keep it as a cherished memory.
x
Little did I know the next day, someone I'd met two weeks prior who I had a bit of a fling with who didn't get in touch with me so I thought he didn't want to know, told me he did want to know but he'd not been able to get in touch sooner!
So now, every thought I had that I might develop feelings have all disappeared.
I like how it is so easy to move on when you have a distraction. The friend that I've liked since January, I have only recently got over. Although nothing happened, I'm glad it chose the path it took.
Without a distraction, it is so difficult to get over someone. Only time can help.
I find it strange how one night can change your life, your path, your emotion.
I find it stange how one person can change your life, you path, your emotion.
I know I go on about spontaneity, but my distraction was completely spontaneous and I wasn't expecting it in the least. I really don't know how it's going to go from here, but even so it has been an amazing and very cute couple of weeks which I will look back on and smile about, even if it doesn't end the way I might hope. Hopefully, though, it will go as I would like - but I guess you never know what might happen and what might not. Just have to wait and see, and whatever happens... it happens for a reason. You just have to look back on it with a smile and remember the good times.
Things happen when you least expect it. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. But just remember it for how good it was at the time, whatever happened - however big or small - and keep it as a cherished memory.
x
Monday, 1 June 2009
A Story Of Change...
I know this is my second post today, but I have two things to talk about because of last week and they're quite different, both important to me and I think they deserve their own blog each. This one, I think, might be slightly different to my normal ramblings. This one might actually have a story.
This one is dedicated to one person, which is a bit ironic considering I really hope he doesn't read it. I'd be so embarrassed - and I'd never hear the end of it.
It's really strange how things change, how people change, how they grow and adapt and learn.
I've known this person for years, since I was about 10. We hated each other. We had different groups of friends and we just argued everytime we spoke. It went on for a few years like this. Then when I was about 14 (I don't say when we were because he's a year younger than I am), we were still arguing, but it had become a bit more light hearted, a bit less spiteful. Now I'm 17, and we're still arguing but now it's just a joke and I'd rather argue with him than talk to a lot of other people. He makes me laugh so much and despite the arguing front, we get on quite well.
At the golf club, in the junior section, a team of 5 players and 2 reserves play against other local clubs in the league. It might not sound that great to a non-golfer, but they are the highlight of my golfing career. It is a truly great experience playing against another player from the oposing team, playing the game you love, seeing your teammates around the course, asking how they're doing and offering them encouragement, win or lose. As you'd probably expect, the majority are lads, so I'm the only girl playing. This makes it for me a lot of the time too, I love the people, I never stop laughing.
This year, again, I'm playing for the team I so love to play for. But this year the one I love to hate is captain, and picks who plays. This year we've been getting on better than we ever have, maybe even been given a few compliments here and there.
Yesterday, we were sitting in the back of the car on the way to Beau Desert Golf Club, ready to play and he he was giving me a pep talk about winning. We were arguing, surprise, and having a laugh. After the match, (the team lost, everyone in our team lost apart from our number 1 who halved), he made his speech and as we were leaving, he started teasing me about a few things as per usual.
We've been friends a long time, I trust him, and even though our relationship has never really been one of deep conversations and sharing secrets, underneath the banter, I could go to him if I needed to and vice versa.
My friend and I have always had this whole thing of arguing is flirting, and we call it "flirty banter". It happens all the time with people that I play golf with, because I'm a girl and guys underestimate me so we argue. All along she's been saying this about me and this guy. It might be true, but I never saw it that way as we were just friends.
The past year or so he's been saying that I fancied him, which I played along with or played on it, more so this year than before. The past month we've been talking loads and I don't know if he seriously thinks I like him or not. It doesn't bother me either way.
This year, as I say, we've been getting on better than ever, and I can see it now, the flirty banter.
Yesterday on the way home, we were both sitting in the back of the car again and he put one ear phone in, gave me the other and showed me that he taste in music wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was. I leaning close to him because he kept moving and pulling the earphones, but it was really uncomfortable so I kept putting my head on his shoulder and then getting up. Apart from shaking hands at the end of a game, we've never really hugged or anything like that. I think something changed then. And we were texting later on, he wanted to talk to me.
It really made me smile, I smile when I think about it. Which is kind of bad seeing as it could never happen, him and me.
I would never admit it to anyone, that I liked him, just in case. If he found out he'd tease me about it all of the time. I do have a bit of a soft spot for him. Maybe one day it will be more. Who knows what the future brings...?
I don't know why I wanted to write a blog about that. I think I wanted to make a point of how things and people change. I have another example of it, of school friends who haven't seen each other for ages and they hated each other, but they met at a party this weekend both laughed about how they didn't get on at school and they ended up having a really good night.
It's weird how people adapt and change. The unexpected happens. I would never have expected to have this guy as a good friend a few years ago. But I think you can always get a positive out of things that change. Whether for better or for worse, in the long term you can always learn something from it. I think that's the most important thing.
Things change. People change. Time changes.
Learn that change is good - or learn from change that is good, or bad.
x
This one is dedicated to one person, which is a bit ironic considering I really hope he doesn't read it. I'd be so embarrassed - and I'd never hear the end of it.
It's really strange how things change, how people change, how they grow and adapt and learn.
I've known this person for years, since I was about 10. We hated each other. We had different groups of friends and we just argued everytime we spoke. It went on for a few years like this. Then when I was about 14 (I don't say when we were because he's a year younger than I am), we were still arguing, but it had become a bit more light hearted, a bit less spiteful. Now I'm 17, and we're still arguing but now it's just a joke and I'd rather argue with him than talk to a lot of other people. He makes me laugh so much and despite the arguing front, we get on quite well.
At the golf club, in the junior section, a team of 5 players and 2 reserves play against other local clubs in the league. It might not sound that great to a non-golfer, but they are the highlight of my golfing career. It is a truly great experience playing against another player from the oposing team, playing the game you love, seeing your teammates around the course, asking how they're doing and offering them encouragement, win or lose. As you'd probably expect, the majority are lads, so I'm the only girl playing. This makes it for me a lot of the time too, I love the people, I never stop laughing.
This year, again, I'm playing for the team I so love to play for. But this year the one I love to hate is captain, and picks who plays. This year we've been getting on better than we ever have, maybe even been given a few compliments here and there.
Yesterday, we were sitting in the back of the car on the way to Beau Desert Golf Club, ready to play and he he was giving me a pep talk about winning. We were arguing, surprise, and having a laugh. After the match, (the team lost, everyone in our team lost apart from our number 1 who halved), he made his speech and as we were leaving, he started teasing me about a few things as per usual.
We've been friends a long time, I trust him, and even though our relationship has never really been one of deep conversations and sharing secrets, underneath the banter, I could go to him if I needed to and vice versa.
My friend and I have always had this whole thing of arguing is flirting, and we call it "flirty banter". It happens all the time with people that I play golf with, because I'm a girl and guys underestimate me so we argue. All along she's been saying this about me and this guy. It might be true, but I never saw it that way as we were just friends.
The past year or so he's been saying that I fancied him, which I played along with or played on it, more so this year than before. The past month we've been talking loads and I don't know if he seriously thinks I like him or not. It doesn't bother me either way.
This year, as I say, we've been getting on better than ever, and I can see it now, the flirty banter.
Yesterday on the way home, we were both sitting in the back of the car again and he put one ear phone in, gave me the other and showed me that he taste in music wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was. I leaning close to him because he kept moving and pulling the earphones, but it was really uncomfortable so I kept putting my head on his shoulder and then getting up. Apart from shaking hands at the end of a game, we've never really hugged or anything like that. I think something changed then. And we were texting later on, he wanted to talk to me.
It really made me smile, I smile when I think about it. Which is kind of bad seeing as it could never happen, him and me.
I would never admit it to anyone, that I liked him, just in case. If he found out he'd tease me about it all of the time. I do have a bit of a soft spot for him. Maybe one day it will be more. Who knows what the future brings...?
I don't know why I wanted to write a blog about that. I think I wanted to make a point of how things and people change. I have another example of it, of school friends who haven't seen each other for ages and they hated each other, but they met at a party this weekend both laughed about how they didn't get on at school and they ended up having a really good night.
It's weird how people adapt and change. The unexpected happens. I would never have expected to have this guy as a good friend a few years ago. But I think you can always get a positive out of things that change. Whether for better or for worse, in the long term you can always learn something from it. I think that's the most important thing.
Things change. People change. Time changes.
Learn that change is good - or learn from change that is good, or bad.
x
The Time Of Our Lives.
Summer has got to be the best time for teenages to have fun and do what they want.
Not that we can't do this in the winter... Because we can. But the summer nights are lighter so we can stay out later, and it seems more acceptable to drink and party - and wear less clothing.
This week has been one amazing week. I really should have been revising. I've got 2 exams today that I am really, really not prepared for. But I can't get myself to be bothered about it. Maybe I will be the day we get our results.
We went out to town Monday night. Something happened to me that doesn't usually, and although it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted, it was still amazing and a great memory. I don't think anyone realises how happy it made me feel.
Everyday I've done something different and really fun. I've spent the week with two people I spend all of my time with, my two best friends, but the people we have been with are people that I hardly knew, but now I have got to know them, I don't mind spending all of my time with them.
This weekend my aunt and uncle went away, and my cousins (who are my best friends also), hired a bouncy castle. To say the weather was beautiful is an understatement, and we bounced, sunbathed, drank and laughed all day and all night. I was in the best company in the world, and again, not normally the company I would usually have.
I love the fact that I was walking home at 9pm and it was still light, so I went to the pub to meet my brothers and guide them to where the real party was, and even then it was still light.
I became aware of some things about my friends and family that I didn't know or notice before, but I also learnt about myself as a friend and as a sister, but it doesn't change a thing.
One more thing that I almost forgot that I don't know how I could possibly... Sitting on the patio at the golf club with my Dad, watching the world go by, drinking in the sun. It's so beautiful, so peaceful, everyone says hello and smiles when they walk past because everyone who is up there realises how wonderful it is to sit out there in the sun. And then guiding Dad home and getting stung by nettles on the way (which really hurts). But it's worth it every time.
I've spent the whole week practially living at my best friends house. I even leave a toothbrush there because of how much I stay there.
They say threes don't work - but I'm in the best trio anyone could ask for.
I'm looking forward to this summer and everything it brings. Let us hope that some of those things are sun, tans, love, fun, some amazing photos and some great memories.
x
Not that we can't do this in the winter... Because we can. But the summer nights are lighter so we can stay out later, and it seems more acceptable to drink and party - and wear less clothing.
This week has been one amazing week. I really should have been revising. I've got 2 exams today that I am really, really not prepared for. But I can't get myself to be bothered about it. Maybe I will be the day we get our results.
We went out to town Monday night. Something happened to me that doesn't usually, and although it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted, it was still amazing and a great memory. I don't think anyone realises how happy it made me feel.
Everyday I've done something different and really fun. I've spent the week with two people I spend all of my time with, my two best friends, but the people we have been with are people that I hardly knew, but now I have got to know them, I don't mind spending all of my time with them.
This weekend my aunt and uncle went away, and my cousins (who are my best friends also), hired a bouncy castle. To say the weather was beautiful is an understatement, and we bounced, sunbathed, drank and laughed all day and all night. I was in the best company in the world, and again, not normally the company I would usually have.
I love the fact that I was walking home at 9pm and it was still light, so I went to the pub to meet my brothers and guide them to where the real party was, and even then it was still light.
I became aware of some things about my friends and family that I didn't know or notice before, but I also learnt about myself as a friend and as a sister, but it doesn't change a thing.
One more thing that I almost forgot that I don't know how I could possibly... Sitting on the patio at the golf club with my Dad, watching the world go by, drinking in the sun. It's so beautiful, so peaceful, everyone says hello and smiles when they walk past because everyone who is up there realises how wonderful it is to sit out there in the sun. And then guiding Dad home and getting stung by nettles on the way (which really hurts). But it's worth it every time.
I've spent the whole week practially living at my best friends house. I even leave a toothbrush there because of how much I stay there.
They say threes don't work - but I'm in the best trio anyone could ask for.
I'm looking forward to this summer and everything it brings. Let us hope that some of those things are sun, tans, love, fun, some amazing photos and some great memories.
x
Friday, 22 May 2009
Spontaneity.
Some of the best nights I've ever had have been completely spontaneous, random and really funny.
This blog is just basically writing down a memory, so that I don't forget the insignificant details.
First though, being spontaneous is so great because you never know what to expect and if it turns out bad it doesn't matter. If it turns out good, well that's just great.
All the best 'meet cutes' and major events in films, in books, in life itself are random and spontaneous. Are films and books or love stories reflections and ideas that could happen in real life? However unlikely, they could happen. Even though they would be completely random and at a time you would never expect - and probably with someone you'd never expect - they could happen.
Wednesday night was one of those nights. A night of laughing with just a small group of people, two best friends and some others I hardly knew. Whats more, they stayed with us. Thats really weird - not something that would be encouraged, but it was so good and it didn't even matter.
You get to know the real person, the true personality of someone when you are put in a situation where they have no time to think about how they're going to act or what they're going to say.
"Oooo." *Puts lipstick on*.
Ghost stories.
Getting terrified.
Walking her down stairs.
Her and her sister turning up again just to hear the stories.
Scary Mother.
Good music.
Singing.
'In The Ghetto' and 'Sweet Caroline'.
Talking for hours and laughing.
Starting to drink at 3 am...
Hitting herself with the electric bottle opener. (The funniest thing all night! Aha!)
Going to the toilet.
Red wine.
Red wine and lemonade.
Being too hot.
Stripping.
Going to the main road in underwear.
Stripping.
Going to the island and dancing.
Stripping.
The photos.
Swapping jeans.
Going to the other main road.
The police.
Strange sleeping arrangements.
Swapping beds.
"Can I talk to you?"
Swapping beds again.
Going to sleep at about 6 am.
Waking up early - but later that normal.
Leaving to go back to bed.
Tidying up.
The really weird photos. (They're really scary.)
The pen. (It didn't work the first time.)
The laugh about it afterwards.
Give yourself a chance.
Give life a chance.
Give spontaneity a chance.
You won't regret it. I promise.
x
This blog is just basically writing down a memory, so that I don't forget the insignificant details.
First though, being spontaneous is so great because you never know what to expect and if it turns out bad it doesn't matter. If it turns out good, well that's just great.
All the best 'meet cutes' and major events in films, in books, in life itself are random and spontaneous. Are films and books or love stories reflections and ideas that could happen in real life? However unlikely, they could happen. Even though they would be completely random and at a time you would never expect - and probably with someone you'd never expect - they could happen.
Wednesday night was one of those nights. A night of laughing with just a small group of people, two best friends and some others I hardly knew. Whats more, they stayed with us. Thats really weird - not something that would be encouraged, but it was so good and it didn't even matter.
You get to know the real person, the true personality of someone when you are put in a situation where they have no time to think about how they're going to act or what they're going to say.
"Oooo." *Puts lipstick on*.
Ghost stories.
Getting terrified.
Walking her down stairs.
Her and her sister turning up again just to hear the stories.
Scary Mother.
Good music.
Singing.
'In The Ghetto' and 'Sweet Caroline'.
Talking for hours and laughing.
Starting to drink at 3 am...
Hitting herself with the electric bottle opener. (The funniest thing all night! Aha!)
Going to the toilet.
Red wine.
Red wine and lemonade.
Being too hot.
Stripping.
Going to the main road in underwear.
Stripping.
Going to the island and dancing.
Stripping.
The photos.
Swapping jeans.
Going to the other main road.
The police.
Strange sleeping arrangements.
Swapping beds.
"Can I talk to you?"
Swapping beds again.
Going to sleep at about 6 am.
Waking up early - but later that normal.
Leaving to go back to bed.
Tidying up.
The really weird photos. (They're really scary.)
The pen. (It didn't work the first time.)
The laugh about it afterwards.
Give yourself a chance.
Give life a chance.
Give spontaneity a chance.
You won't regret it. I promise.
x
Saturday, 16 May 2009
I'm Sorry.
I'm so sorry that this would happen to you. Any of this.
Why would someone hurt a person who is so wonderful and perfect in every way? Why would you knock someone's confidence, make someone bitter, hurt someone so badly when you didn't get anything out of it yourself?
Why would you hurt one of my best friends?
And why would you think you can just get away with it without any consequences?
Why would it still be really difficult for someone who hasn't had it easy at any time in their life?
I'm so sorry I can't help, I couldn't warn you before, I couldn't stop it during and I can't change it after. Because if I could then I would. I'd do anything to make you happy. Anything.
I love you. And I'll always be here.
Karma.
What comes around, goes around.
It will come to you. And I hope you get it really fucking hard. Because that's all you deserve.
x
Why would someone hurt a person who is so wonderful and perfect in every way? Why would you knock someone's confidence, make someone bitter, hurt someone so badly when you didn't get anything out of it yourself?
Why would you hurt one of my best friends?
And why would you think you can just get away with it without any consequences?
Why would it still be really difficult for someone who hasn't had it easy at any time in their life?
I'm so sorry I can't help, I couldn't warn you before, I couldn't stop it during and I can't change it after. Because if I could then I would. I'd do anything to make you happy. Anything.
I love you. And I'll always be here.
Karma.
What comes around, goes around.
It will come to you. And I hope you get it really fucking hard. Because that's all you deserve.
x
Friday, 8 May 2009
Inspiration.
Where do you get your inspiration from? Hobbies, friends, family, music, shows? There are so many things and ways.
My friend writes this blogs, she used to do them everyday but they got less frequent as things started to get busier for us. Her ideas and the writing is wonderful, but I always think that when I write a blog, is this similar to one of hers, one of the ones she's written before? She's done so many that I'm bound to have but I think her style differs a fair bit from mine, so I can probably get away with it. You should check hers out. It's nightrambling.blogspot.com .
Anyway, as I was saying, I think I might copy her ideas. But in the end, any ideas I have... she's someone who inspires me and gives me ideas. So part of the idea probably would come from her, and all the other people that I love and I'm really close with.
Tonight, I had a problem. And there was one girl I thought to text. One girl that I knew I could trust and rely on. And bitch with later. A real friend. A best friend.
My problem consisted of a friend and a boy. A boy I can't drop. Yeah, the same one as before. But my best friend is telling me the truth because I seem to have blinkers on, and she can see the full picture.
I don't know what to do. I've been trying sooo hard recently to get over him but I can't seem to... Got any ideas?
One of my Dad's favourite words is 'tremendous' and that's how he describes my best friend. I don't think anyone realises how much it actually means that that is how he described her.
It's really quite surprising and amazing who comes to your rescue when you need them. I know I can always rely on those few. But there are always a couple that come out of the blue and really make a difference. I don't think anyone shows their true appreciation to their friends. Especially me. I'm really going to try and change that.
To all my friends: the ones that are true for helping me and getting me to where I am today, to being wonderful and my favourite people ever who I know I can turn to, and the ones that are not so true for making me jump hurdles I didn't think I'd have to, and wouldn't have wanted to, for surprising me and making me prepared. Everyone who has crossed my path has changed me in some way.
I know the people who are walking in the same direction as me who are keeping me from stumbling, and those are the people I want beside me forever.
So I suppose this blog is dedicated to my friends, and especially to my best friend.
The girl who challenges me, helps me succeed, and celebrates with me afterwards.
Thank you. You know who you are.
x
My friend writes this blogs, she used to do them everyday but they got less frequent as things started to get busier for us. Her ideas and the writing is wonderful, but I always think that when I write a blog, is this similar to one of hers, one of the ones she's written before? She's done so many that I'm bound to have but I think her style differs a fair bit from mine, so I can probably get away with it. You should check hers out. It's nightrambling.blogspot.com .
Anyway, as I was saying, I think I might copy her ideas. But in the end, any ideas I have... she's someone who inspires me and gives me ideas. So part of the idea probably would come from her, and all the other people that I love and I'm really close with.
Tonight, I had a problem. And there was one girl I thought to text. One girl that I knew I could trust and rely on. And bitch with later. A real friend. A best friend.
My problem consisted of a friend and a boy. A boy I can't drop. Yeah, the same one as before. But my best friend is telling me the truth because I seem to have blinkers on, and she can see the full picture.
I don't know what to do. I've been trying sooo hard recently to get over him but I can't seem to... Got any ideas?
One of my Dad's favourite words is 'tremendous' and that's how he describes my best friend. I don't think anyone realises how much it actually means that that is how he described her.
It's really quite surprising and amazing who comes to your rescue when you need them. I know I can always rely on those few. But there are always a couple that come out of the blue and really make a difference. I don't think anyone shows their true appreciation to their friends. Especially me. I'm really going to try and change that.
To all my friends: the ones that are true for helping me and getting me to where I am today, to being wonderful and my favourite people ever who I know I can turn to, and the ones that are not so true for making me jump hurdles I didn't think I'd have to, and wouldn't have wanted to, for surprising me and making me prepared. Everyone who has crossed my path has changed me in some way.
I know the people who are walking in the same direction as me who are keeping me from stumbling, and those are the people I want beside me forever.
So I suppose this blog is dedicated to my friends, and especially to my best friend.
The girl who challenges me, helps me succeed, and celebrates with me afterwards.
Thank you. You know who you are.
x
Sunday, 3 May 2009
To Fit.
Today I went somewhere that I spent my childhood. Somewhere I've always belonged, fit in, and felt a part of. I have made some great friends there and I was an invidual, eveyone knew me, and in return, I knew everybody.
Last July, for some reason, I stopped going there frequently. In fact... I've only been there about 10 times in the past 9 months. That's not a lot at all considering I used to go there at least once or twice a week.
When I returned there today, I was no longer the person everybody knew. I was the girl that always used to be up there. People I knew seemed very pleased to see me, but there were also a lot of new people, people I didn't even recognise, so they wouldn't have known who I was either. It felt really strange. It made me regret not being there.
There was someone else who had taken my place. Now, everything revolved around her. She had my friends, she was the one who knew everyone and who everybody said hello to. I admit - I was jealous. Jealous because she had completely replaced me. Sure, it was my own fault because I should have been up there more over the winter and spring and this wouldn't have happened. But still, I didn't like the feeling. I could deal with it though. But I felt the need to be up there more now, so that I could start to fit back in.
But one person I rely on at this place, he hasn't chosen her over me, even though people might think so. He's nothing more than a friend, whatever people think, but he means a lot to me and he plays a major part of my existance and happiness there. I appreciate that so much. He really does mean a lot to me. And he doesn't even know it.
I think it's the people that help you to fit in. And he helps me way more than he could ever realise.
I talked to my best friend about it - about fitting in that is. When you picture yourself fitting in, where do you picture? I could picture me in a few different places, but one of the first places I think of is the corner of the common room, on that settee that we sit on every morning.
Funny how "fitting in" can be into a group of people, a community, and home, where you also sit in a room, having everyone know who you are. Many different things.
I'm lucky, I fit in to so many different places. To fit somewhere is something so precious, and something that is taken so for granted. Only people that have never fit in would understand and realise how much it means to fit. And I can acknowledge that. It must be heartbreaking. But so fulfilling when you do finally fit.
I feel like something significant is about to happen. Something really big and life altering. And that everything is going to change. But why would it? I have no idea. I just feel like it is.
If it does, please, please let it be good. It would be life playing a cruel joke on us all if it wasn't.
I wish for everyone, somewhere to fit in their lives.
I hope that you fit in somewhere. And I hope my friends and family feel they fit with the rest of us. Because I know I fit with them.
x
Last July, for some reason, I stopped going there frequently. In fact... I've only been there about 10 times in the past 9 months. That's not a lot at all considering I used to go there at least once or twice a week.
When I returned there today, I was no longer the person everybody knew. I was the girl that always used to be up there. People I knew seemed very pleased to see me, but there were also a lot of new people, people I didn't even recognise, so they wouldn't have known who I was either. It felt really strange. It made me regret not being there.
There was someone else who had taken my place. Now, everything revolved around her. She had my friends, she was the one who knew everyone and who everybody said hello to. I admit - I was jealous. Jealous because she had completely replaced me. Sure, it was my own fault because I should have been up there more over the winter and spring and this wouldn't have happened. But still, I didn't like the feeling. I could deal with it though. But I felt the need to be up there more now, so that I could start to fit back in.
But one person I rely on at this place, he hasn't chosen her over me, even though people might think so. He's nothing more than a friend, whatever people think, but he means a lot to me and he plays a major part of my existance and happiness there. I appreciate that so much. He really does mean a lot to me. And he doesn't even know it.
I think it's the people that help you to fit in. And he helps me way more than he could ever realise.
I talked to my best friend about it - about fitting in that is. When you picture yourself fitting in, where do you picture? I could picture me in a few different places, but one of the first places I think of is the corner of the common room, on that settee that we sit on every morning.
Funny how "fitting in" can be into a group of people, a community, and home, where you also sit in a room, having everyone know who you are. Many different things.
I'm lucky, I fit in to so many different places. To fit somewhere is something so precious, and something that is taken so for granted. Only people that have never fit in would understand and realise how much it means to fit. And I can acknowledge that. It must be heartbreaking. But so fulfilling when you do finally fit.
I feel like something significant is about to happen. Something really big and life altering. And that everything is going to change. But why would it? I have no idea. I just feel like it is.
If it does, please, please let it be good. It would be life playing a cruel joke on us all if it wasn't.
I wish for everyone, somewhere to fit in their lives.
I hope that you fit in somewhere. And I hope my friends and family feel they fit with the rest of us. Because I know I fit with them.
x
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