To Fit.

Today I went somewhere that I spent my childhood. Somewhere I've always belonged, fit in, and felt a part of. I have made some great friends there and I was an invidual, eveyone knew me, and in return, I knew everybody.
Last July, for some reason, I stopped going there frequently. In fact... I've only been there about 10 times in the past 9 months. That's not a lot at all considering I used to go there at least once or twice a week.

When I returned there today, I was no longer the person everybody knew. I was the girl that always used to be up there. People I knew seemed very pleased to see me, but there were also a lot of new people, people I didn't even recognise, so they wouldn't have known who I was either. It felt really strange. It made me regret not being there.

There was someone else who had taken my place. Now, everything revolved around her. She had my friends, she was the one who knew everyone and who everybody said hello to. I admit - I was jealous. Jealous because she had completely replaced me. Sure, it was my own fault because I should have been up there more over the winter and spring and this wouldn't have happened. But still, I didn't like the feeling. I could deal with it though. But I felt the need to be up there more now, so that I could start to fit back in.

But one person I rely on at this place, he hasn't chosen her over me, even though people might think so. He's nothing more than a friend, whatever people think, but he means a lot to me and he plays a major part of my existance and happiness there. I appreciate that so much. He really does mean a lot to me. And he doesn't even know it.
I think it's the people that help you to fit in. And he helps me way more than he could ever realise.



I talked to my best friend about it - about fitting in that is. When you picture yourself fitting in, where do you picture? I could picture me in a few different places, but one of the first places I think of is the corner of the common room, on that settee that we sit on every morning.
Funny how "fitting in" can be into a group of people, a community, and home, where you also sit in a room, having everyone know who you are. Many different things.

I'm lucky, I fit in to so many different places. To fit somewhere is something so precious, and something that is taken so for granted. Only people that have never fit in would understand and realise how much it means to fit. And I can acknowledge that. It must be heartbreaking. But so fulfilling when you do finally fit.





I feel like something significant is about to happen. Something really big and life altering. And that everything is going to change. But why would it? I have no idea. I just feel like it is.
If it does, please, please let it be good. It would be life playing a cruel joke on us all if it wasn't.




I wish for everyone, somewhere to fit in their lives.
I hope that you fit in somewhere. And I hope my friends and family feel they fit with the rest of us. Because I know I fit with them.

x