Empty.

I feel like writing. Which obviously means I'm not on top of the world.
But I feel empty. I don't know what to write about. I'll type, and see what I end up with...


My best friend and I are applying for a course called "You, Me and the Climate" which is about climate change and global warming. We're already involved in stuff like it but it's a great opportunity, I hope we get it. We've been really lucky with things like this so far. But do you make your oppotunities?
I think you do. Work hard, open doors for yourself, make sure you do well. Sometimes there is just bad luck. Sometimes just good luck. But hard work makes a huge difference.

And then there is the boy... Still oblivious. Do I get in touch with him or don't I? I think I will. I get to spend over an hour with two of my favourite people tomorrow. Him, and my best friend. Who is also the girl he likes. But I don't care. She's wonderful and I think everyone should like her, she doesn't have a fault.
Wish me luck.... Here we go!...

January blues.... I would agree with that. A few of my friends have said it. Today it was so obvious. It's so much effort though. Hopefully it'll be worth it. We try hard, and make our own opportunities. I must keep that in my head at all times.



For my head being empty, I wrote quite a lot. Strange what subconcious thoughts you have when you don't actually think about what you're writing.
I hope I will get some good news tonight... To make a change.

x

Happiness.

Happiness. What is that word? It means everything. It is what we live for.

"Happy in love." That is one phrase that I would love to be able to say for any person. But very rarely can I say it for myself.
Right now, he wants someone else, someone who is happy... someone he can't have. Consequently, I like someone I can't have.

I love the fact that I can say "I am truly happy for you" to the people that I love. It makes me happy when they are. Today could be my perfect example of how I was happy because of all of my best friends being "happy in love." But I can't say this phrase for myself, as I thought I could a few hours ago.

I realise that happiness is quite a rare thing, something that doesn't particularly come along often. You can make yourself happy, but others can make you happy more easily.

It's also strange how some people are completely oblivious to other people's feelings, or how another person would like you to react. I know it is not easy to sypathise or be sad for someone when you are so happy yourself, but isn't that the job of a friend?

I wish I could say I'm "happy in love". Right now, I'm going to pretend I am just "happy in general" because this keeps everyone around me happy, so supposedly keeps me happy too.

I'll keep hoping. Maybe one day will come where I am able to say "happy in love."
And I will be sure to let you know when that day comes.


x

Trying to write a script.. And failing miserably.

So here I am, sitting and waiting for an idea to pop into my head. It's important that one does, but I just can't seem to imagine an out of this world story that will get me the grades I need.

The story of my life? Working hard, getting excited and then just having a disappointing end to it. Is anything ever what you actually expect?
People who don't know me probably think I'm a depressing pessimist. I'm not, but I write when I'm upset or unhappy. I don't feel like complaining to anyone else, for it's not their problem. But I can complain to myself, to the paper, to the computer screen.

This isn't really my thing, writing unrealistic stories that are never going to come true. I prefer ones that people can dream about it happening to them. But that's just me, obviously. Now I've got to write for a different audience.

I just got some great news. Don't you love it when people say nice things about people you love? I love telling the person that they're talking about, and seeing their face blush and smile. It's such a nice feeling, knowing you're making someone happy.

I'm just rambling. I should be concentrating hard, but no-one seems particularly bothered that I'm not typing up a script right now. Live and let live. I think that must be their motto.
I'll leave now though. Writing my thoughts onto a page didn't give me any ideas at all. I don't know why I thought it would.
But who questions the ways of the mind? I give up... I'm just going to live with never knowing. And hoping that I'll think of an idea!


x

2008 -- The summary.

2008.

Turned 16.

Knew how wonderful the people around me truly were.

Bracken died.

That Thursday...
- The month before it.
- Busgy rehersals.
- Pizza hut.
- The journey home.

Got Myst.

A hypocrite that I love, but I was still disappointed.

IGGY.
- Those two weeks.
- The meet ups.
- The new friends.

Got exam results I was really disappointed with.
Started 6th Form.

I saw *him*.
- Maybe for the last time.
- It was typical, but perfect.

Lots of engagements.

Butlins.
- The friends.
- The Wednesday night!
- The beach.

She became happier than she had been in a long time.

YCC and Climate Change.
- The assemblies.
- The March.
- BBC Documentary.

Someone got life changing news.

A problem and disappointment that I couldn't begin to imagine.

Laughs and tears. The best or the worst?

My parents bought me a SLR Camera.
Had a good Christmas, but it started late.

21. Great, but as hoped?

Decent night. And she was happy.
New Year. New start and all that?