I was at an interview today. To give some background, it was for the company my boyfriend works for, doing the same job, and it was the same kind of interview and with really nice people so I was pretty confident when I walked in that I was going to get it (although I was still hoping I would too).
So I was in the interview and we had to do some Maths and English tests, and while we were doing those we were called out one by one for our interview. The interview was really casual, just a chat with a nice guy about ourself, why we wanted the job and things like that. Well, I knew that my interviewer had spoken to my boyfriend and loads of other people I know who work there too.
In the interview, I was really confident and charming, funny, polite enough and professional, but really friendly and I think I would have come across as a great catch. I know that probably sounds so cocky but I manage to act really confident, charming and nice in interviews when they're with nice people. In fact, I manage to act like that whenever I'm meeting someone one on one for the first time, like I bumped into one of my boyfriend's friends who I didn't actually know and I acted the same, just not quite as professionally.
I wonder though, whether that it is actually me or whether I'm putting on an act. I act like that whenever I meet new people, or whenever I'm chatting with someone I'm not really familiar with. I know that I am a really nice person really, but somehow I manage to fool myself and whoever I'm meeting that I'm confident and funny and charming.
The last two weeks I've been in a few situations where I've had to meet a lot of new people, and I've been wondering (and worrying a bit) how I come across to people and whether they like me. I started a new job about two weeks ago (yes, I had an interview for a different one today) and after two weeks, I really like all of our group but I wonder and worry whether they like me, which is strange because usually I don't care whether people like me unless I'm really close with them.
I wonder if people who know me - even if they've only known me two weeks, but any time that isn't just the first few hours - think I'm confident, charming and nice. I wonder if they like that person. Or if they like the less confident, nice, normal me. I wonder if I am both of those people, or if I'm just pretending to be one of them. I can't decide.
It's something that I'd like to decide on. I want to be confident and to be always speaking up, but still be really nice and not arrogant. Maybe I can be both, and I don't have to be one or the other. Maybe that I have more than one type of 'me' is what makes me... me.
I hope all is well with you...
x
