Regret.

I don't really have any regrets. I know some people who do, though.
I always though that there was never much point in them because theyre is nothing you can do to change the past, what happened at the time. You can sort out your status, or relationship or whatever after the regret so that you don't need to regret whatever happened anymore because the consequences are sorted and that is the main thing about a regret.

Sometimes I think "what if?". What if I'd done it differently? What if I'd have stayed? What if I'd have said how I really felt?

What is the actual point of a regret though? I understand that it's when you wish you had or hadn't done something. I believe that it's easier to regret something you didn't do, a missed opportunity because you never know what might have happened afterwards and then there are more "what if" questions than ever.

What do you really get out of a regret? It's just unnecessary worry about something in the past that you can't changed. Something that you have to live with, you have to accept and you have to get over so that it doesn't ruin (that word might be a bit strong but I suppose how much the regret affects you) your life.

I don't believe in regrets. I can accepting wishing things had gone differently, but I think that the sooner you let a regret go the better because you can go on living your life and you'll be happier.


I hope you never have any regrets... Learn from your mistakes instead of regretting them.
But I hope you're never in a situation that you could possibly live to regret later on in life. Who knows what might happen? The past is the past and the future is ahead of you. You can't let the past ruin the gift that is the future.

You can't see the future when you have tears in your eyes.
x

Anything But Ordinary Please.

The past few days I've come to one final conclusion about my life as I know it and how I feel at the moment.

I am bored.

Everyday, my life just follows the same routine. My life as I know it is changing, I've always loved it and been satisfied by it. I'm not unhappy, I do like my life and I really appreciate everything that I have, I'm just bored.
Everything I had planned for my future now just seems average, normal and boring. I want to do something exciting with my life, something different. "I wanna be anything but ordinary please." There's a song with that title by Avril Lavigne that describes how I feel at the moment quite well.

Also, "Defying Gravity" from Wicked the Musical.
"Something had changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so somethings I cannot change but 'til I try I'll never know."

Inside I am screaming for fun but life just has to go on everyday as normal, doing the same old, accepting life and everything the way it is just waiting for something to change. I don't know how to change it, it isn't in my power right now. I have to finish school before I'm allowed to do anything about it. I try to make the most of it and believe it or not I'm an optimist.

After being in devon with the girls I just want to travel, I want to go away again, I've always wanted to go round the world but now I just can't wait to leave. I want to go as soon as I can, get away from here and from normality. My best friend and I used to say that we would go away on a gap year together, it would be the best year of our lives, but she's settled down and she's going to uni for four years now so if we ever did go, it't not going to be for another 5 years at least. So, now I've decided that I'm going. I'll go on my own if I have to.

I want to do something crazy, something wild and fun so that I feel free and excited and really happy. I want to live my life, and right now I feel like it's just passing me by.


The dreams I've had all my life now seem small, ordinary, boring. I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to change other people's lives while I'm changing mine.

But "I want" never got anybody anywhere...

x

A Holiday With The Girls.

I would like to be anywhere but here right now. Don't you hate the depression and having to get used to the normal routine of being home once you've just got back from a really good trip?
I would like to be back on holiday with the girls, having the best time, not having to think or worry about anything, just relaxing and having fun. And eyeing up one of the entertainment guys that worked there.

Four of my best friends and I went to North Devon to a Parkdean Holiday Park from Monday to Friday. 12th - 16th April 2010. We went on a Sun Holiday (you know, the holidays from £9.50) and it cost us about £80 each for everything; food, petrol, the caravan, holiday park passes & entertainment, insurance, drinks and swimming.

We didn't really do a lot. We got up between 8 and 9am, talked for a couple of hours, then went out for a couple of hours. Going out consisted of either going for a walk to the park or the beach or going swimming or going to the shop. After that, we went back to the caravan for lunch and talked for a couple of hours, then we went out again for a bit. Then we'd come in, make dinner and get ready to go out for the evening abour 9pm (and 6pm on the last night because we went for a meal).

It was so simple but so satisfying and so relaxing. Quality time with the best friends, the people that I love so much but never really show them and I don't know what I'd do without them. We had so many deep, interesting conversations and so many light hearted and funny conversations. I could have stayed there for another week.

Also, I sorted something out with my best friend, something that I know I may have gone about in the wrong way but it turned out okay, and I realise how blessed I am that I have such a wonderful and understanding best friend. Now it's out in the open, I'm much happier about the whole situation.

I just hate the fact I didn't do anything about it - but I hope you figured.

Songs of the holiday:
Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves.
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen.
Fireflies - Owl City.
Single Ladies - Beyonce.
Tick Tock - Kesha.

"I think 3 is too many in that bathroom."
(Shutting the curtains). "Is this for real?!"
Dani's weird way of holding crisps.
Taking a detour on the way there!
Pulling the tractor driver ;) Aha.
Bohemian Rhapsody on the beach.
Tea / Coffee & Bsicuits.
"I need a tray. I don't want to sacfrifice the biscuits and the tea will just make a mess."
"I've got a ginea pig named after jaffa cakes!" "What's it called?"
Stealing the sugar from the service stations!
"Gosh, wherever I'm away with you I say 'fuck' every other fucking word!"
"My legs aren't long enough." "Her little toe is!!"
The sea!
The sand being really cold - and then really warm.
"Did you make potions with icecream where you werte little?" "Yeah, it doesn't taste right." "Yeah it does, I'm just not allowed to do it anymore."
"Do you have a torch?" "Oh yeah, I'll just pull it out."
Sining Build Me Up Buttercup at Rachel's funeral.
A weight of my shoulders.
"You suck."
Single Ladies!
"How old are you lot?" "18, why?" "I just bet that guy you were all 18." "Fuck!" "Here you go!" "Oh, thanks!"
Jen's hair grip.
The deep conversations... And the light hearted ones!
The nice food! Carly's arranging.
Being the loudest table!
The entertainment.
Magazines.
Jen's drawing. :)
Post - it notes!
The guys that could dance and sing.
Him! ;) Aha.


I feel like something epic is ending. But I can't wait for something else to begin.

So, although I know you four girls are never going to read this, thank you for one of the best weeks of my life and I love you so much. You're the best friends a girl could ask for.
x

To Tell Or Not To Tell?

That is the question.

I've been busy busy busy this week and I've not really been online much so I haven't been able to talk to a certain someone. He doesn't know that I have a thing for him, or that I love getting comments and messages off him. But after coming home from an wonderful trip to London (we went to see Wicked - go and see it, it is absolutely amazing!), I came home to find that he hadn't replied even though he had been on. That is the moment you realise that they aren't interested so you just just forget it as you're wasting your time, energy and emotion on someone who isn't going to give you anything in return.

But besides all of that, what if you didn't know? Because sometimes it's impossible to tell whether someone is interested or not. I know when you're young it's "my friend fancies you..." and when you're a teenager, " you're fit..." But after that, it's not as simple as "I like you" or "I'm not interested". Love, lust and growth come into it. You can grow to like and love someone, right? That's what I hear, what the movies tell us.

Back to the point, if you don't know and you'd like to find out, how do you do that? Flirt? Just wait and see? Or do you think that you've got nothing to lose, just go for it and tell them? What is there to lose, a friendship? If a frienship is strong enough then it'll be able to get over it if the feeling is mutual. And if the feeling is mutual? Then life becomes perfect. You are able to say that you are "happy in love".
Is it alright for girls to make the first move now? I know most of us would rather have the lad make the first move, but what if they don't want to? I saw a statistic that said something like 86% of men would rather the girl made the first move. I don't know whether that's true butI don't see what anyone had to lose by making the first move, boy or girl. It's just a bit nerve racking.

I'm allowed to say all of this, I've made the first move a few times, told a person that I liked them. Never has it gone the way I wanted, but I won't give up and stop trying. Although I don't think I'll be telling my current interests seeing as I already know that they'd probably just blow me off.


I've always wanted to be talking to someone I like and if I didn't know how they felt (or I did know they liked me), just to kiss them. I'd love to see the reaction. Whether it was a good or bad reaction, it would be such a nice thing to be able to say "I did it" for, even if your friendship was never the same again.


"Don't leave me hanging here 'cause this girl has fallen stupid for you."

Go for it. What do you have to lose?
x

Happy Easter.

Today is Easter Sunday. Sunday 4th April 2010. Resurrection Day. 2010 years after Christ was born.

Actually, they changed their minds, didn't they? I don't know who "they" are. Historians of some kind think that Christ was born a few years earlier than we were all told to begin with.
If you ask me, I'm not really sure how you can make that mistake, but it happened. If it's true.

I'm a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ. I'm not going to say I believe that he was born from a virgin mother who came back from the dead and he was a miricle worker with healing hands. But I do believe that he lived, at one time or another, and promoted God and what he believed in. God on the other hand, I don't know whether I believe in. I'd really like to but I don't understand how it could work when there is so much proof against it. I keep an open mind though and fully respect people that do believe, I wish I could believe as whole heartedly as they do.

Religion was always such a huge thing in everyone's life, but is it now? Of course it if. The majority of people I know are athiests and religion is still a part of their life just because it is a part of so many other people's lives. It causes so much grief and distruction. But it also causes so much hope and belief.

I think it's good to have something to believe in.

On a happier and less touchy subject, I hope you got lots of Easter Eggs and chocolate.
One thing though, I don't suppose you know why we gives Easter Eggs made of chocolate at Easter? Why eggs and chocolate?!
Oh well. Mmm chocolate.

Happy Easter.

x