Letting People "In".

Is letting someone in a good thing? The unpredictability of the future makes it unsafe to letting someone in, let someone get to know you properly - the real you, and really love and trust them with everything.
It means having someone to talk to. Having someone to confide in, seek advice from, having someone to help you with your problems and worries. Having this person could mean knowing you have support, make you more confident and happy knowing that there is always someone there that you can go to, fall back and and trust.

Maybe it's good to hide emotions so you dont have to let people in when you dont want to. People would never know how you feel so they'd never ask if you're okay. Not letting anyone in at all means being in complete control of your emotions, decisions and life, no-one knows that they're influencing you apart from you, you don't have to take into consideration someone else's opinion and you're not risking your privacy.

But what if you want to let someone in and you just don't know how? If you've shielded yourself off for that long that you've forgotten what it means to let someone in, having someone know you as well as they could.
I was talking to someone and defending "not letting people in" and saying it was a good thing because it's not something I can do really easily and I think it would be great not feeling you have to tell anyone what you think or how you feel.

How many peole do you truly trust?
I only really trust one or two people. When I tell people stuff, I tell them what happened, but very occasionally how I feel about it. That's private and I don't see why people need to know. But sometimes it's good to talk about how you feel - it either emphasises the emotions or makes them fade, which sometimes could be want you need.
Right now, there is only one person that I have truly let it. I've let other people in in the past but we've drifted and changed - none of us are the same as we used to be.
How many people you trust do you trust and how do this compare to how many people you want to trust?

I think it's good to have one or two people that you can really trust and talk to. Telling one person everything isn't ideal for me because it means that person would know you as well as you know you - but if there are two people you really trust, you can share what you want to tell them and talk about between then two people then neither will know everything and you've still been able to talk about the things you wanted or needed to.



I completely respect you, and I care more for you that you will ever know, but I won't let you in. Because you won't let me in. If there's one thing you've taught me, it's that you have to be in control of your own life and emotion, you have to be able to control how you feel and who you feel it for.

I can live with the happiness of knowing that you're happy - because there is nothing else I can do, despite what you said. You helped me. As long as youre happy, that's all that matters.


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Small World...

It seems ages since I last wrote. I suppose it has been quite a few weeks.
Something has changed for me. I'm just not sure what.

It's weird how small the world is. I've met someone knew and I found out we have a few mutual friends that are really random and I would never have thought. I've found a lot of this recently, knwoing someone who knows someone who knows the person I know. Or maybe just knowing someone who knows someone I know. That sounds so confusing but it's quite simple when you think about it. It is a really small world...

I wanted to make a point of that, but I don't know why. I think what comes around goes around because it is a small world and everyone always finds out the truth eventually.

Right now, I'm sitting listening to love songs and sag songs and beautiful songs (mainly by the Beatles) and thinking about life and what is to become of us. Oh, and a boy.

The majority of my friends and I have finally sent off our UCAS forms and my friends have been getting lots of offers. I'm not worried that I haven't had any yet, but give it a few weeks and I might start to wonder. But for now, I'm just going to be over the moon for my friends who are getting conditional offers and auditions all over the place to go to the universities of their choice. It's so strange to think that this time next year I should (hopefully) be sitting in my room in the halls of my university writing a blog about what has become of us, what situation I'm in with my friends (new and old), boys, family, university and life in general. I can't wait for the future, but it is a terrifying thought. What will become of us all?


Then, there is the boy. As always. This time I'm not sure what's going on. The whole forbidden fruit still applies, but not as strongly as it did because he's seeing someone and I knew it would never happen anyway. But this new friend I've made. He seems interested but then I wonder if it's only for one thing. He hasn't text me back today and for the first time, it's bothering me. It frustrates me that I don't know as much about him as I'd like. That's kind of hypocritical really, seeing as I'm quite held back at letting people get to know me. But I think that deserves a whole blog post of it's own in the future - letting people in.
I'm sure there is a reason that he hasn't text back, I'm sure he's a nice guy and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I did let him in, and I'm sure even though I know these things are true I'm still going to carry on the way I am.



The inevitable will happen. It's a small world.

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