Moment of Truth.

Make or break.

Have you ever had one of those moments where something is going to going extremely one way, or extremely the other? A life changing moment and you don't know how things are going to turn out?

If it goes one way it's life changing but if it goes the other way, it means your life goes back to normal without a second thought - although it is a second thought, and a third and fourth, because you can't forget it. It's the sort of decision - or event - that you think "what if" about. But "what if" is never going to change anything. Life goes back to normal, boring normal, back to when you wished something would change.


The moment of truth - make or break - yes or no - happy or sad. It's the moment of truth. Waiting for an answer. But how do you know how truthful the moment is? How are you possibly to know whether the person is telling you the truth, or whether they're just playing games with you and pulling you along for the ride? How do you know they're not going to turn around in a couple of days, weeks, even months and say they've changed their mind, or they made a mistake?
This all comes back to understanding people. Knowing them. Trusting them.
But that's not as easy as it sounds.

How are you ever to know? Well, I suppose you never do know unless you go for it and find out. You have to decide whether it's worth risking. Worth jumping for and not knowing whether the other side is going to be a hard or soft landing.
I believe you should take the risk - it's better to regret something you did that regret something you didn't do, for you would forever been thinking "what if" and that is a feeling I would rather not have too often.


People are so indecisive and confusing. How are you to know when you can trust someone and when you can't? When someone is two faced and someone isn't? Maybe I shouldn't say that - for that is very negative thinking.
Although I may think people are confusing, people may think I am confusing. It is a two way street and I know I should never neglect that fact while trying to figure someone out.


This is it. The moment of truth. Give me truth, I pray. I wait "patiently" - and I will take the risk, for the risk shows your feelings and your truth. Maybe that is what they are looking for too, just as you are.
The future can always change.
The only people who can make that change is you.




If you are thinking about something, hoping and wishing for something, the chances are it's worth risking your feelings for.
Take a chance. Think about the consequences and every possible outcome, but try anyway. You'll learn something, either way.
You never know what might happen.

x

Everything Happens For A Reason.

Once again, I am amazed how quickly and dramatically feelings, lives and situations change.

I was able to say I was truly happy a couple of weeks. A few weeks of sunshine, friends, going out where and when we wanted - and meeting a really nice guy who made me happy... and nervous! I think it's really good when someone can make you nervous. A good nervous though, a "oooooh yaayy aahh" kind of nervous rather than a dreading pit of the stomach nervous. Do you know what I mean? It makes sense to me anyway.
He makes me nervous. Well, he did. We don't talk anymore. I was really happy... But things change. Lives change. And don't I know it?

So, as I was saying, I was really happy and even though some things were going wrong, I was still smiling and having the time of my life. It lasted a few weeks, but it ended a few days ago, much to my dispair. Now, we are back at school, my friends are going out and having good times and although I join them the majority of the time, I feel bad the times that I can't go, and when I do go I never seem to have as good times as they seem to, which makes me worry because then I think they might think I'm upset or something and they have to look after me when they don't because I don't want to ruin their fun.

My distraction went really wrong, and the reason it went wrong doesn't make sense to me, I don't understand what happened, and I definately don't understand why. It wasn't anything major, so maybe I'm missing something, and maybe I'm making myself believe that he was a good person and didn't do anything wrong when he did. But I just don't see it. I don't understand why it just ended like that and we can't even talk or be friends. Maybe I was just with the wrong people at wrong time. Maybe he'll figure out and understand what I mean and then make it better.

Maybe I'm just not supposed to understand.

I always say everything happens for a reason. Is this happening for a reason? (A while ago I said I used two or three rhetorical questions in each blog, and it has occurred to me while writing this blog and asking questions that recently I haven't been using that many, if any at all.)
Is this happening for a reason? It must be. In the long term, I am sure I will be able to look back on it and say I learnt something. I can't wait to know what I will learn because I have no idea at this moment.

I don't really believe that a male and a female can have a completely platonic relationship (assuming they are both straight because otherwise my point wouldn't work). There is always a point in their relationship when one likes the other, or when something sexual or physical happens between them. Whether this lasts is a different story - and hopefully a happy one, but it always happens. I can think of very few people that I have had a strictly platonic relationship with, assuming it was accepted for it to be more than platonic.



Everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes you just have a wait a long time to realise what the reason actually is...
Be patient, and try and understand.

There is always a better day ahead. You just have to wait for it.

x

Distraction.

Well, talk about getting distracted. A couple of days ago I dedicated a whole blog to a guy that I thought something might develop with.
Little did I know the next day, someone I'd met two weeks prior who I had a bit of a fling with who didn't get in touch with me so I thought he didn't want to know, told me he did want to know but he'd not been able to get in touch sooner!
So now, every thought I had that I might develop feelings have all disappeared.

I like how it is so easy to move on when you have a distraction. The friend that I've liked since January, I have only recently got over. Although nothing happened, I'm glad it chose the path it took.
Without a distraction, it is so difficult to get over someone. Only time can help.

I find it strange how one night can change your life, your path, your emotion.
I find it stange how one person can change your life, you path, your emotion.


I know I go on about spontaneity, but my distraction was completely spontaneous and I wasn't expecting it in the least. I really don't know how it's going to go from here, but even so it has been an amazing and very cute couple of weeks which I will look back on and smile about, even if it doesn't end the way I might hope. Hopefully, though, it will go as I would like - but I guess you never know what might happen and what might not. Just have to wait and see, and whatever happens... it happens for a reason. You just have to look back on it with a smile and remember the good times.



Things happen when you least expect it. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. But just remember it for how good it was at the time, whatever happened - however big or small - and keep it as a cherished memory.

x

A Story Of Change...

I know this is my second post today, but I have two things to talk about because of last week and they're quite different, both important to me and I think they deserve their own blog each. This one, I think, might be slightly different to my normal ramblings. This one might actually have a story.
This one is dedicated to one person, which is a bit ironic considering I really hope he doesn't read it. I'd be so embarrassed - and I'd never hear the end of it.

It's really strange how things change, how people change, how they grow and adapt and learn.
I've known this person for years, since I was about 10. We hated each other. We had different groups of friends and we just argued everytime we spoke. It went on for a few years like this. Then when I was about 14 (I don't say when we were because he's a year younger than I am), we were still arguing, but it had become a bit more light hearted, a bit less spiteful. Now I'm 17, and we're still arguing but now it's just a joke and I'd rather argue with him than talk to a lot of other people. He makes me laugh so much and despite the arguing front, we get on quite well.

At the golf club, in the junior section, a team of 5 players and 2 reserves play against other local clubs in the league. It might not sound that great to a non-golfer, but they are the highlight of my golfing career. It is a truly great experience playing against another player from the oposing team, playing the game you love, seeing your teammates around the course, asking how they're doing and offering them encouragement, win or lose. As you'd probably expect, the majority are lads, so I'm the only girl playing. This makes it for me a lot of the time too, I love the people, I never stop laughing.

This year, again, I'm playing for the team I so love to play for. But this year the one I love to hate is captain, and picks who plays. This year we've been getting on better than we ever have, maybe even been given a few compliments here and there.
Yesterday, we were sitting in the back of the car on the way to Beau Desert Golf Club, ready to play and he he was giving me a pep talk about winning. We were arguing, surprise, and having a laugh. After the match, (the team lost, everyone in our team lost apart from our number 1 who halved), he made his speech and as we were leaving, he started teasing me about a few things as per usual.

We've been friends a long time, I trust him, and even though our relationship has never really been one of deep conversations and sharing secrets, underneath the banter, I could go to him if I needed to and vice versa.

My friend and I have always had this whole thing of arguing is flirting, and we call it "flirty banter". It happens all the time with people that I play golf with, because I'm a girl and guys underestimate me so we argue. All along she's been saying this about me and this guy. It might be true, but I never saw it that way as we were just friends.
The past year or so he's been saying that I fancied him, which I played along with or played on it, more so this year than before. The past month we've been talking loads and I don't know if he seriously thinks I like him or not. It doesn't bother me either way.
This year, as I say, we've been getting on better than ever, and I can see it now, the flirty banter.

Yesterday on the way home, we were both sitting in the back of the car again and he put one ear phone in, gave me the other and showed me that he taste in music wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was. I leaning close to him because he kept moving and pulling the earphones, but it was really uncomfortable so I kept putting my head on his shoulder and then getting up. Apart from shaking hands at the end of a game, we've never really hugged or anything like that. I think something changed then. And we were texting later on, he wanted to talk to me.
It really made me smile, I smile when I think about it. Which is kind of bad seeing as it could never happen, him and me.

I would never admit it to anyone, that I liked him, just in case. If he found out he'd tease me about it all of the time. I do have a bit of a soft spot for him. Maybe one day it will be more. Who knows what the future brings...?

I don't know why I wanted to write a blog about that. I think I wanted to make a point of how things and people change. I have another example of it, of school friends who haven't seen each other for ages and they hated each other, but they met at a party this weekend both laughed about how they didn't get on at school and they ended up having a really good night.

It's weird how people adapt and change. The unexpected happens. I would never have expected to have this guy as a good friend a few years ago. But I think you can always get a positive out of things that change. Whether for better or for worse, in the long term you can always learn something from it. I think that's the most important thing.



Things change. People change. Time changes.
Learn that change is good - or learn from change that is good, or bad.


x

The Time Of Our Lives.

Summer has got to be the best time for teenages to have fun and do what they want.
Not that we can't do this in the winter... Because we can. But the summer nights are lighter so we can stay out later, and it seems more acceptable to drink and party - and wear less clothing.

This week has been one amazing week. I really should have been revising. I've got 2 exams today that I am really, really not prepared for. But I can't get myself to be bothered about it. Maybe I will be the day we get our results.

We went out to town Monday night. Something happened to me that doesn't usually, and although it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted, it was still amazing and a great memory. I don't think anyone realises how happy it made me feel.
Everyday I've done something different and really fun. I've spent the week with two people I spend all of my time with, my two best friends, but the people we have been with are people that I hardly knew, but now I have got to know them, I don't mind spending all of my time with them.
This weekend my aunt and uncle went away, and my cousins (who are my best friends also), hired a bouncy castle. To say the weather was beautiful is an understatement, and we bounced, sunbathed, drank and laughed all day and all night. I was in the best company in the world, and again, not normally the company I would usually have.
I love the fact that I was walking home at 9pm and it was still light, so I went to the pub to meet my brothers and guide them to where the real party was, and even then it was still light.
I became aware of some things about my friends and family that I didn't know or notice before, but I also learnt about myself as a friend and as a sister, but it doesn't change a thing.

One more thing that I almost forgot that I don't know how I could possibly... Sitting on the patio at the golf club with my Dad, watching the world go by, drinking in the sun. It's so beautiful, so peaceful, everyone says hello and smiles when they walk past because everyone who is up there realises how wonderful it is to sit out there in the sun. And then guiding Dad home and getting stung by nettles on the way (which really hurts). But it's worth it every time.


I've spent the whole week practially living at my best friends house. I even leave a toothbrush there because of how much I stay there.
They say threes don't work - but I'm in the best trio anyone could ask for.


I'm looking forward to this summer and everything it brings. Let us hope that some of those things are sun, tans, love, fun, some amazing photos and some great memories.

x