Spontaneity.

Some of the best nights I've ever had have been completely spontaneous, random and really funny.
This blog is just basically writing down a memory, so that I don't forget the insignificant details.

First though, being spontaneous is so great because you never know what to expect and if it turns out bad it doesn't matter. If it turns out good, well that's just great.
All the best 'meet cutes' and major events in films, in books, in life itself are random and spontaneous. Are films and books or love stories reflections and ideas that could happen in real life? However unlikely, they could happen. Even though they would be completely random and at a time you would never expect - and probably with someone you'd never expect - they could happen.


Wednesday night was one of those nights. A night of laughing with just a small group of people, two best friends and some others I hardly knew. Whats more, they stayed with us. Thats really weird - not something that would be encouraged, but it was so good and it didn't even matter.
You get to know the real person, the true personality of someone when you are put in a situation where they have no time to think about how they're going to act or what they're going to say.


"Oooo." *Puts lipstick on*.
Ghost stories.
Getting terrified.
Walking her down stairs.
Her and her sister turning up again just to hear the stories.
Scary Mother.
Good music.
Singing.
'In The Ghetto' and 'Sweet Caroline'.
Talking for hours and laughing.
Starting to drink at 3 am...
Hitting herself with the electric bottle opener. (The funniest thing all night! Aha!)
Going to the toilet.
Red wine.
Red wine and lemonade.
Being too hot.
Stripping.
Going to the main road in underwear.
Stripping.
Going to the island and dancing.
Stripping.
The photos.
Swapping jeans.
Going to the other main road.
The police.
Strange sleeping arrangements.
Swapping beds.
"Can I talk to you?"
Swapping beds again.
Going to sleep at about 6 am.
Waking up early - but later that normal.
Leaving to go back to bed.
Tidying up.
The really weird photos. (They're really scary.)
The pen. (It didn't work the first time.)
The laugh about it afterwards.




Give yourself a chance.
Give life a chance.
Give spontaneity a chance.
You won't regret it. I promise.

x

I'm Sorry.

I'm so sorry that this would happen to you. Any of this.

Why would someone hurt a person who is so wonderful and perfect in every way? Why would you knock someone's confidence, make someone bitter, hurt someone so badly when you didn't get anything out of it yourself?
Why would you hurt one of my best friends?
And why would you think you can just get away with it without any consequences?

Why would it still be really difficult for someone who hasn't had it easy at any time in their life?






I'm so sorry I can't help, I couldn't warn you before, I couldn't stop it during and I can't change it after. Because if I could then I would. I'd do anything to make you happy. Anything.

I love you. And I'll always be here.




Karma.
What comes around, goes around.
It will come to you. And I hope you get it really fucking hard. Because that's all you deserve.




x

Inspiration.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Hobbies, friends, family, music, shows? There are so many things and ways.

My friend writes this blogs, she used to do them everyday but they got less frequent as things started to get busier for us. Her ideas and the writing is wonderful, but I always think that when I write a blog, is this similar to one of hers, one of the ones she's written before? She's done so many that I'm bound to have but I think her style differs a fair bit from mine, so I can probably get away with it. You should check hers out. It's nightrambling.blogspot.com .
Anyway, as I was saying, I think I might copy her ideas. But in the end, any ideas I have... she's someone who inspires me and gives me ideas. So part of the idea probably would come from her, and all the other people that I love and I'm really close with.

Tonight, I had a problem. And there was one girl I thought to text. One girl that I knew I could trust and rely on. And bitch with later. A real friend. A best friend.
My problem consisted of a friend and a boy. A boy I can't drop. Yeah, the same one as before. But my best friend is telling me the truth because I seem to have blinkers on, and she can see the full picture.
I don't know what to do. I've been trying sooo hard recently to get over him but I can't seem to... Got any ideas?

One of my Dad's favourite words is 'tremendous' and that's how he describes my best friend. I don't think anyone realises how much it actually means that that is how he described her.

It's really quite surprising and amazing who comes to your rescue when you need them. I know I can always rely on those few. But there are always a couple that come out of the blue and really make a difference. I don't think anyone shows their true appreciation to their friends. Especially me. I'm really going to try and change that.
To all my friends: the ones that are true for helping me and getting me to where I am today, to being wonderful and my favourite people ever who I know I can turn to, and the ones that are not so true for making me jump hurdles I didn't think I'd have to, and wouldn't have wanted to, for surprising me and making me prepared. Everyone who has crossed my path has changed me in some way.
I know the people who are walking in the same direction as me who are keeping me from stumbling, and those are the people I want beside me forever.


So I suppose this blog is dedicated to my friends, and especially to my best friend.
The girl who challenges me, helps me succeed, and celebrates with me afterwards.
Thank you. You know who you are.

x

To Fit.

Today I went somewhere that I spent my childhood. Somewhere I've always belonged, fit in, and felt a part of. I have made some great friends there and I was an invidual, eveyone knew me, and in return, I knew everybody.
Last July, for some reason, I stopped going there frequently. In fact... I've only been there about 10 times in the past 9 months. That's not a lot at all considering I used to go there at least once or twice a week.

When I returned there today, I was no longer the person everybody knew. I was the girl that always used to be up there. People I knew seemed very pleased to see me, but there were also a lot of new people, people I didn't even recognise, so they wouldn't have known who I was either. It felt really strange. It made me regret not being there.

There was someone else who had taken my place. Now, everything revolved around her. She had my friends, she was the one who knew everyone and who everybody said hello to. I admit - I was jealous. Jealous because she had completely replaced me. Sure, it was my own fault because I should have been up there more over the winter and spring and this wouldn't have happened. But still, I didn't like the feeling. I could deal with it though. But I felt the need to be up there more now, so that I could start to fit back in.

But one person I rely on at this place, he hasn't chosen her over me, even though people might think so. He's nothing more than a friend, whatever people think, but he means a lot to me and he plays a major part of my existance and happiness there. I appreciate that so much. He really does mean a lot to me. And he doesn't even know it.
I think it's the people that help you to fit in. And he helps me way more than he could ever realise.



I talked to my best friend about it - about fitting in that is. When you picture yourself fitting in, where do you picture? I could picture me in a few different places, but one of the first places I think of is the corner of the common room, on that settee that we sit on every morning.
Funny how "fitting in" can be into a group of people, a community, and home, where you also sit in a room, having everyone know who you are. Many different things.

I'm lucky, I fit in to so many different places. To fit somewhere is something so precious, and something that is taken so for granted. Only people that have never fit in would understand and realise how much it means to fit. And I can acknowledge that. It must be heartbreaking. But so fulfilling when you do finally fit.





I feel like something significant is about to happen. Something really big and life altering. And that everything is going to change. But why would it? I have no idea. I just feel like it is.
If it does, please, please let it be good. It would be life playing a cruel joke on us all if it wasn't.




I wish for everyone, somewhere to fit in their lives.
I hope that you fit in somewhere. And I hope my friends and family feel they fit with the rest of us. Because I know I fit with them.

x