The Good Old Days.

What happened to the days when we were innocent? The good old days.



When swearing was bad, nobody did it, and everyone was shocked and said "you shouldn't say that!" if someone did.
No-one knew what sex was, no-one would dare to touch cigerettes or drugs, and when we were given alcohol we felt so grown up because we were too young to drink it but the adults were trusting us with it.
When it didn't matter what we looked like. When you only needed two pairs of shoes - shoes for playing and shoes for getting dressed up in - and no-one judged you.
When boys were yucky, and the only ones that mattered were our fathers, our brothers, our cousins, and the friendships that we did have with the opposite sex were completely platonic.
When is was impossible to have a complicated relationship or situation with someone. You either liked them, or you didn't. End of.
When, if you had a fight with someone, five minutes later you were playing together again like nothing had even happened.
When you didn't have to worry about the future because you were so naive that you didn't know how hard it could be. When you were excited, and you wished to be older so that you could do what you wanted, when you wanted.

And what happened to the days when our only problems were if we fell and grazed our knee?
It was a carefree life where our parents or guardians sorted everything for us.



But maybe, just maybe, we use this as a cover and say that those were the good days, when in fact these are our good days.
The problems that we have at that moment that we are in are always huge. No-one can compare two problems when they are always so different.
So, grazing your knee when you were 5 might have been as big as a problem as someone in a midlife crisis. Although it's an awful problem at that time, because it's currently happening. But so is grazing your knee. So, the midlife crisis could be blown out of proportion and it's not as bad as people think, or make out.
That 5 year old would think so.

I've never really known young children, apart from when I myself was young.
I can't possibly compare.

So, right not I might just be thinking optimistically.
I wonder how long it will last.




As for Swindon... It wasn't as we'd expected - at all. But it was a good weekend anyway. We had a good giggle. And sort of got away from life for two days, which was the aim.

Also, that answer I was waiting for... It wasn't the one I wanted. I have so many questions that are unanswered. I am not able to say *happy in love*. Not yet, anyway.

x

Waiting For The Summer.

I can't wait for the summer. The summer is a time of relaxing, doing whatever you want, whenever you want and not having to worry about anything except making sure your suncream is topped up. (I made that mistake last year.)

Do you know when you have problems, and they're really bothering you, but then you think... 'hang on a minute, you're being pathetic, there are so many people out there who have much worse problems than you' and then you feel bad for even thinking that your problems were difficult and upsetting?
So, then, because you think your problems are petty and pathetic, you don't tell anyone about them. Well, that just makes it worse because not telling people means that you can't get them off your chest. And if you don't tell anyone and pretend you're fine, well, what if youre good at acting like you're fine and no-one notices? Or maybe they do notice but they don't want to ask? Well that just makes you feel even worse because you think that nobody cares.

Or is it worse having people notice, for them to keep on asking and asking until you finally tell them, and then they basically say 'oh, I've found out now so I can change the subject or end the conversation.' They don't actually care what you're upset about, they just want to know the gossip.
Yeah, that boy... He was the one that did that. Made me feel GREAT.
My head is telling me that he's an idiot and is lying and leading me on. My heart is saying that he's lovely really.



All I want right now is for these problems to change, to go away, or maybe just to change in some slight way so they're not the same boring problems that are on your mind all the time. Desicions need to be made, but how are you ever going to know which is the right desicion? And what if you know a desicion needs to be made, but you don't actually know what it needs to be made about?

All I want right now is for the carefree lifestyle and loves of the summer to come along and make me smile. Just for a while.




Bring on Swindon. Let it be what we're looking for.

x

Patience.

It's the greatest of all virtues. So we're told.
But it is such a difficult trait to have.

Everyone can pretend to be patient. Wait quietly, not complain, not express their worry or excitement. Is this enough for someone to have the trait of patience?
I am quite patient when it concerns other people. I can wait for hours, days, months, years for somebody who needs me. The problem may be on my mind, but it won't change my life or personality not knowing, however much time I devote to the person. Being impatient changes the way you act, the way you speak, and what you say. To be patient, you need to stay the same, act the same and be yourself, the person who was there originally for whoever needed you in the first place.

But on the other hand, when it comes to myself, I find it difficult to be truly patient. I am the person it mainly effects, not the people that I love. It's so much more personal. Now, I am pretending to be patient. I am telling everyone that I am really impatient, even though I know I am not, because I don't want them to think I am if I mention it.

Now I am waiting. Waiting for that answer. Hoping that it is the one I am looking for. Not really sure how to react to either answer. And have absolutely no idea which answer I am going to be given. But, as a very wise and intelligent young girl recently told me, that's life.

I worry too much. I worry about how my friends and family see me and what they think of me. And being completely hypocrital right now, I don't like talking about myself. All these blogs, I know, are about me, but that's because I don't know who reads them, I probably don't know you.

I am the one still hoping to say "happy in love." Which, by the way, I know all of my best friends can say now.

x