Surprise.

Suprise surprise.
It's not different. Or should I say he's not different?

I give up. I don't know what to do. why are the male sex just so complicated?!

He's ill, right, but he didn't have the decency to tell me so that I knew we weren't going ahead with the plans we'd made. And he blames me for waking him up because he's ill when I asked how he was feeling so I knew if we were going out or not! Ahh! What's with that?

I thought he was different. In fact, he is. He's so different to any other guy. He's so different to any other, so unique, and yet he ended up treating me the same, maybe worse, than the rest. I want to turn into a girl that doesn't put her heart into anything until she knows that the other person's in completely in it and that she can trust them. But that takes so long as they've got to become a part of your life just to get to that stage.

I'm trying so hard. So hard to do as one said, to become kind of emotionless towards it and people that might not stick around, for my own benefit so that I don't get hurt. I'm trying. But everytime I get close, something else comes and kicks everything I'd fought for out of my grasp, I get hurt and then have to start all over again.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know whether to say anything at all. I don't know how to feel. I don't know how you feel.

And worse of all, I don't know who to ask. The one person who I know would have the answer isn't available. I don't feel like I can talk to them because they've got someone now, they're not in my position and I'm not confident enough to just text and ask in case they don't want to talk to me. Or their partner doesn't want them to talk to me.


Is that about me? It can't be. It can't. So who is it about? Why would you lie to me? I'd hate for you to know how I feel about you, how uncertain I am and that I am thinking or wondering about you.

Why do girls waste their precious time on such idiots?

I've always vowed never to be one of them. So here I am. And here you are. And now it's time to say goodbye...