Bracken always used to know when I had exams. She always used to sit with me the night before and managed somehow to calm me down, make me feel less stressed. She seemed to tell me that it was going to be okay, I was going to do fine. And even if I didn't, even if it went horribly wrong, she's still be very proud of me, she'd still love me, and it didn't matter as long as I'd done my best.
In the morning, she would say hello and make sure I wasn't stressing too much. She'd always make sure I wasn't late and then as I was leaving, she'd watch me go and seemed to call good luck after me. As soon as I got home she always ran to me and beg for attention as to say "well... how'd it go?" and then she'd just look at me like she loved me more than anything in the world and the rest didn't matter anymore. The exam was in the past, I did what I could and now it was over. Then I'd spend the next two hours with her, making a fuss of her to show her I loved her and that I appreciated what she did for me. She did a lot for me.
It was the day after one of the most important exams of my life that she died. Mom said she'd waited for it. Waited for the exam so that my full attention was on the exam and I was focused.
Mom said she tried to wait for me to come home that day, she waited as long as she could, but she just couldn't wait anymore.
It shattered my world. I miss her so much.
Last night, I spent an hour hugging her collar, looking at her photos that are stuck on my wall and crying, wishing she was here. Wishing I still had someone to calm me down when I had exams and to show me they loved me more than anything.
I know I have lots of family and friends that support and love me, and I'm honestly the most grateful girl in the world because I know how lucky I am and I appreciate them so much.
But I can't help but miss her.
Wish me luck, Brackie.
I love you.
x
No comments:
Post a Comment