Blah.

I feel like I'm a bad person. Bad, bad person.

Have you even felt something and then thought "oh my Gosh you don't think that, that's a horrible thing to think!" and then take it back? But actually, you can never really take it back because that's what you thought, that's your instict? I truly, truly want for everyone I love just to be happy in everything they do.

I'm trying my hardest. I spoke to him and now he's just told me everything. Like he did that? Like he did that! I'm trying to say the right things, trying to make him feel better.

Do you think it's true that we all put the people we love first, or ourselves? I would choose to put the ones I love first, I'm certain of it, but I think there is something in everyone that would put ourselves forward, "survival of the fittest"... it's a tough world out there.

I want to be a good person.
I wish I was different. But I can't wish for myself. That doesn't work! I'll wish for him. I'll wish for him for tomorrow. I hope things are okay. I hope he's okay.

You have no idea. You have absolutely no idea what's going through my head. But can I make it any more obvious? And yet, I would never tell anyone. I would never say a word to anyone about it. I would never have the nerve.

I'm trying.

"I wish I could fly, magically appear and disappear. I wish I could fly, I'd fly far away from here."


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