Exams, University, Future...

I've been meaning to write on here for a while. I keep thinking about it, thinking it's been ages, thinking that I'm not going to have any "June 2010" blogs. Not that I need reminding of what's happening this month. Nothing is happening. Nothing has happened in my life for the past month, hence the lack of blogs.

I've been revising non-stop, worrying about my present and my future. My exams aren't going as well as they could be, so September and going to university is looking further away than ever.


What I've thinking about lately is the way people say the things that they think you want to hear, and how much it irritates me.
If I tell anyone that I'm not going to get the grades I need, if I say I'm not going to get into university they just reply with "you'll be fine, you'll get in, you're an intelligent girl, you're working hard." What do they know? They weren't in the exam. They can't get inside my head and find out what I do and don't know for my exams. They don't know how good I am at the things I'm doing, they just say "you'll be fine" for their own peace of mind, and they think it'll make me feel better.

In all honesty, it makes me feel worse. It makes me feel worse because when I don't do as well as I "should" or I fail, they'll all be disappointed, think I could've done better. They'll think I didn't work hard enough even though that's not true. I just freak out in exams, they never go the way I want them to - and I'm not as intelligent as people think I am. They can't say I didn't warn them.

I only have 3 more exams left, I can't wait for them to be over so that I can have a life again, so that I can see my friends and family, actually appreciate their company.
Today, my Dad said to me, "I can't wait till you've finished so that I can have my babby back." It's the nicest thing that someone's said to me in such a long time.

But I'm worried that once I finish, that;s the start of the rest of my life. I know we don't get our results until the end of August but I don't think they're going to change my life like everyone else's results are going to when they're off to uni.


But two more weeks of solid revising before I can properly start worrying about that.
Good luck to everyone doing exams. I hope yours go much better than mine always do.
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