My Fear.

Lately, my best friend and I seem to have mentioned our fears quite often. They've been trival ones like birds, polistiren (don't ask!), heights, the normal things people are scared of. I'm not particularly scared of any of these things (although I'm not a huge fan of heights)! There are more important things I'm scared of, things that affect the way I act and what I do.

I don't know what to do at the moment. If I don't go to university (which is probably going to be the case), I can stay here and re-do my A-levels and go to university next year, I can get an apprenticeship or a job, not bother with university and try and get to high places with working hard. Or I can get a pass the time job, save up some money and go travelling and worry about all of this when I come back. I can't wait to get away from this town, the dramas, sometimes even the people. Yet, that's exactly what's stopping me... The people. My parents, my best friends.
My 4 best friends are all staying at home and going to the same university as each other. So whatever happens, I'm going to be the 5th leg, the odd one out. That terrifies me.

What terrifies me more though, is that if I leave, what if people don't notice I've gone? What if, when I come back, life if still the same and no-one has missed me.
I'm scared that I'm not going to make an impact on anyone's life.

I miss being appreciated or needed. Everyone has moved on. Everyone has grown up. No-one needs a friend anymore, they all have their boy or girlfriends instead. As long as they know I'll always be there if they ever do need me though, but I doubt they will. Everyone is settling down and I just want to go out and enjoy being eighteen. Isn't that what we're meant to do?

I hope I make impression, I hope I make a difference.
"There's a life that I am meant to lead, a life like nothing I have known. I can feel it and it's far from here, I've got to find it on my own. Even now I feel it's heat upon my skin, a life of passion that pulls me from within, a life that I am aching to begin. There must be somewhere I can be astonishing."

Although I'm posting this blog, part of me wants no-one to read it so that no-one will know what I'm scared of. It seems attention seeking, and God knows that's not what I want - attention. Sometimes it's just nice to know that your life does count.


I hope you all get the chance to change someone's life for the better. There is nothing that gives more satisfaction than that.
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