"Smile, though your heart is aching."

I wouldn't dare to admit it. I don't think anyone would really understand anyway. I know I shouldn't write people off straight away, should always give them the chance to try and understand, but giving them that chance might go horribly wrong and I'm not ready to risk that yet. I try to convince people that it's never going to happen because I don't want people to encourage me and make me believe that all dreams can come true. This dream can't. It's not everyone else that makes me believe though. They have evidence to back up their points, and that evidence always comes from you.


It actually hurts. Every day, I think about it and it hurts me because however strong this front I have up is, it's never going to trick me into thinking I don't mind. It's never going to make me believe that I don't care, that I don't feel that way. And it breaks my heart. What would break my heart even more would be that you carry on acting the way you are. You said nothing would change. It's only been a couple of weeks and so much has changed, we act completely different now.

I won't give up, and I know it won't go away. Maybe when I believe that you're truly happy, maybe then I'll be able to let it go. But not now, not yet.

At the moment, my favourite song is "Smile", originally by Charlie Chaplin.
"Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by. Smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you.
Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness. Although a tear may be ever so near, that's the time you must keep on trying. Smile, what's the use of crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile."

Story of my life. No-one will ever know. I hope.

Smile...