I've had this discussion with so many people, but I still wonder about it because I find it difficult to believe how anyone can be so cynical when they are meeting new people or going into any new relationships (whether it be first meeting someone, being acquaintances, friends, lovers, colleagues).
Last term, at university, I had a debate with some lads about if someone can be a "generally nice person, selfless and have good, selfless intentions with everything they do". I believe that there are people out there that are like this - I know that there are because I've seen it first hand, and some people (for example my Mom and another family member) are the most genuinely nice, helpful, kind, lovely people I have ever met - that anyone could ever meet!
Some people (and this I agree with) are just nasty, selfish people who think only of themselves and do not care of any other consequences of their actions.
I don't dispute that there a lot of people around who seem nice who have something behind their mask, people who have secret intentions - even if they're not bad intentions, even if they're just benefitting in some way - but sometimes the intentions can be bad too. That's what the lads argued. Their argument was survival of the fittest, people live to stay alive so they come first in their life and therefore why would they do things that they don't benefit from? What would be the point in that?
People are manipulative and live life with number one first at heart. People that they love come immediately behind them, and most other people do not matter. I don't think this is true either - I know a lot of people, in my family in particular, that would definitely put their loved ones first. Most parents would put their children first and many partners would put the one they love's needs in front of their own.
If you're living for yourself - if you have nothing or noone to live for, are you really living? I'd hate to feel that way, that I was the most important thing in life - that I had nothing that I felt was as important to me as myself. Not that I think I'm this genuine, lovely, kind, selfless person. But I could be - I definitely have some of those traits in me. I generally wish for health and happiness for everyone - especially for those who deserve it, for which I am sure there are plently of people.
"No good deed is selfless." Is that true?
Do you save a life as a selfless act, or because you would feel bad and guilty if you didn't do it, or at least try? Or do you save a life because it is a life and that life should be saved - no matter who the person is; someone you love, someone you hate, someone you know or don't know, someone who has commited a crime, someone completely selfless and lovely?
I do love to help people. My life ambition (among other things) is to help people. I love helping people. But maybe this isn't a selfless act. Maybe I'm selfish because it makes me feel good when I help people and maybe, subconsciously, that's why I do it. But does that actually matter? Of course you're not going to do it if it makes you feel bad. I suppose it's the ratio as to who it helps more. If the act helps you more than the person then could be it classed as selfish? And if it benefits the person an equal amount or more than you then is is more selfless?
You might go out of your way to help someone, giving them time and effort or something that you could do with yourself. That truly would be selfles - especially if there are no benefits whatsoever for the person doing the act.
The lads I had this discussion kept giving me extreme situations to suit them in which I could not really win, but there are at least two sides to every argument so they have the right to do that to me! They said that if they had to choose between the life of their family member or a stranger, they would choose. They would choose the family member - as I assume everyone would. But they said choosing would make them a bad person. The paradox is that choosing no-one would make them a bad person too as they are sacrificing a life as to not choose between lives. So there are many siutations and examples they could use that I will never win, although these situations are very extreme.
So, I will be positive and hopeful in the idea that there are people out there who are genuinely nice, helpful and selfless. I really do believe there are people out there like that - there must be. I feel sorry for the cynical people who don't believe it, because until they see it for themselves, they are missing out on the beauty of selfless acts and kindess.
I hope that you are able to believe in selflessness and kindness.
x
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